Misadventures of Harley Jest and Nightshade
by Lady Bern
Summary: Just when you think you were rid of me here I come with a series of events in the criminal lives of Gothams latest greatest crime couple.
1. Beauty and her Beast sub 1

Hey hey! The Toonami watching, anime addicted Demoness Space Pirate is back, with her last umthingy to do with her OCs (Not Orange County) Harley Jest and Christopher Isely AKA Nightshade. She is also out of her mind because she is referring to herself in third person. Oh don't worry, this is going to be looong one, I have about 20 ideas (no promise on using them all), now if I would stick to it life would be perfect. No, if there were more Batman Beyond episodes life would be better, but alas there will be no more. Mourn for the end of Batman Beyond my friends. 

Okay I'm only going to say this once cause I really get tired of doin' this, so if by chance anyone misses this then it's their fault not mine. Ready? No? Okay I'll give you a moment go ahead, do what you have to do and go to the bathroom cause I don't want you getting up and walking around while I'm talking. *Waits* Ok here it is: 

Disclaimer: I do not own Batman Beyond. No that belongs to DC comics and WB. I am using Batman Beyond without permission, as is everyone else in this category and many others. I know it's depressing, but there are some things we just have to accept.

Chapter 1: Beauty and her Beast  
Subchapter 1--

_Myth_. Webster's dictionary defines a myth as a traditional story dealing with supernatural ancestors; a person or thing having only an unverifiable or imaginary existence. There are thousands of myths in the world; example: Big Foot, the Lochness monster, pictures of Rosie O'Donald in a dress, or Robert DeNiro with a white woman.

Gotham had its share of myths and legends, the Rat boy: true. The ghost of the Gotham depository: false. The man bat: True back in the days but the recent commotion of him was false. And now there was the Green Beast: yet to be proven. 

As the dark knight and the protector of the grim city it was duty to know them all. Flying over the city lit brightly with neon lights and bright billboards displaying ad after ad of many of junk he looked down in search of the latest urban myth. 

The first person to have reported the Green Beast was a teenager who was skating in an empty parking lot. He reported the creature being huge, completely massive in size but containing no shape. Of course no one believed the boy until later when three more people reported seeing the thing. 

They say it's about thirty feet or less, and no one can tell what it really is. Terry said in his own voice as he spoke into the two-way radio.

There was a slight pause; most likely Bruce was searching through his computer reading over the police reports. Keep a look out. From the reports it seems the only time the creature is active is after sundown.

So we have a pretty good idea that it exist but why is it we can find no traces of something that can help us identify it? Batman asked, frustrated that he himself had investigated all of the scenes and he too found nothing.

No, nothing truly out of the ordinary was found at the scene of the appearances. I can only theorize that this thing is active only at night therefore it must rest someplace during the day. But how is it able to hide in Gotham in broad day-light? There has to be something more to it.

The aircraft styled cockpit gave barely enough room for one, a thing Terry had long since adapted to in his days spent patrolling the streets of Gotham in vigilante attempts to help make the city somewhat safer, his face donned in the black mask of Batman was cast in the soft red glows emitting from the instruments on the control panel. From his right a small light began to flash off and on repeatedly until he flipped the switched listening in on the emergency police line.

.I repeat this is Jonson, car 114, The Beast has been spotted! We need back up. A frantic voice trying to remain calm reported over the background noise of screaming frightened people.

Despite the situation the ever calm tone of the dispatcher went through the formalities. Jonson, what's your position?

25th and Buster--- An inhuman screech filled the radio cutting off the last syllable of the police officer.

A dark look passed over Batman's stolid face; his gloved hand tightened around the controls before sending the Batjet into a sharp turn heading in the direction of the sighting, moving faster than any other vehicle ever built in the lowly city of Gotham.

It had taken Batman no more than four minutes to reach his distention with the additional two from the time listening in on the police call, meaning The Beast had been active within the time frame of at least six minutes. And it seemed that was all the time The Beast needed.

He wondered looking over the disaster struck scene. 

Light poles had been unearthed; cars flipped over or pushed onto the sidewalk and buildings; builds damaged with broken windows and doors forced off the hinges; and the worst of all sights, the people caught up in the chaos. The present ambulance attended to those who were too injured to move on their own whilst those who could sat patiently on the road side. Black tarps covered three lifeless forms scattered randomly about the street. 

Too late, he and the requested backup of the police force had arrived too late to stop the madness of this _thing._

He wondered again seeing everything there was to see except for any signs of The Beast. How can something that big just vanish so quickly without a trace?

He stayed in his perch in the shadows but staying as close as he could to the happenings trying to gather as much information as he could from the on going police investigation. 

Those guys, they started shooting at...at it, that's why we called the police. A shaken bystander explained in a near hysterical voice, the fear of the unknown creature possibly returning seizing mostly everyone present. 

The police officer scribbled down the report nodding her head every so often to give a sense of attentiveness. So they followed it here.

A second witness standing nearby moved forward to the uniformed authority. No, they led it here.

That's when it started attacking. Added the first.

Batman commented the tidbit of information to his memory. From what he had to go by the attack had lasted longer but still ended too quickly. 

His attention on the repetitive news was diverted by the arrival of a sleek brand new black BMW that had pulled up to the bright yellow police tape. A tall dominant looking man dressed in a thin trench coat stepped out of the backseat and looked about with a passive face at the damage done. 

For some odd reason a feeling known as instint, told him that this man did not fit in with the rest of the concerned family members come to retrieve dazed loved ones or interested by passers. This man was there for the cause of this madness, he was there for the Beast. 

Batman's sight never wavered from the man and what appeared to be his guards as he took to higher grounds, mainly the fire escaped, in hopes of getting a better look onto things. Adjusting the sight of his mask the focus on the man increased tenfold, it was to the point he felt as if he were standing aside him inhaling the strong scent of his Oldspice cologne.

As he had seen before he was indeed tall with a look of arrogant domination about him, his olive toned skin was highly cared for, and even his shield shaped face looked knowledgeable and pampered. A face he had seen many of times in the media. 

Bobby English. Batman sighed not liking the developing conclusions as to why one of Gotham's finest scientific researchers was present. English was shaking his head from side to side as he spoke to his men. 

A faint movement from the corner drew his attention upwards in vain hopes of catching some sort of clue that would help against his frustrations of figuring out what it was that he was facing. His vision settled on a peculiar sight, a figure nimbly sealing down the building's side and settling comfortably on the fire escape on the building adjacent to him. Upon a closer look he noted without any doubt that it was a woman looking down at the group of men with an old-fashioned spyglass pressed to her left eye. 

Mentally he sighed rolling his eyes with subtle weariness, If she's involved then this is worse than I thought. He mumbled to himself before taking off with a silent launch of his rocket boots.

After landing in pure stealth he wondered what else in the world could go against him on this single wearisome night. His eyes covered over in white drifted over her lithe figure laid out on the grid pattern fire escape in decent efforts to make herself unseen. But a woman like her wasn't meant to go unnoticed whether she wanted to or not. Her choice of apparel was an influence to the fact, from what greeted him first were her strong legs dressed in an altered pair of pants the right side black and form fitting reaching a length down to meet with her black boot that gave the impression that it made the wearer somewhat clumsy. The left half of the pants had been cut away replaced with red shorts dressed over a thick black stocking detailed with little red hearts and a red boot of the same fashion of the black. A large jacket had at some point fallen from her right shoulder to drape tightly to her elbow allowing only a small peak of a black strap and skin. The rest of her body was hidden but he had no doubt that she wore some eye catching shirt underneath. 

Crossing his arms over the red bat emblem cresting his chest he finally broke his silence. I don't think you'll have much luck seeing anyhting with that at this time of night, Jest.

Ah! My lifes a lie! The startled jester flipped onto her back with her gun drawn and prepared to fire at the intrusion. It was not long before he saw the realization set into her eyes soon followed by relief as her tensed body lowered the deadly toy. 

A small part of him was enraged that she did not see him as the great defender as he was but merely someone she _knew _and had no real fear of. He wondered if it had been his own fault perhaps he wasn't tough enough for the criminals plaguing his city, but then again she was the one who jumped carelessly off buildings.

Batsy? What the hell are ya doin' here tryin' ta give me the attack of the heart? She asked placing her hand to her heaving chest; which, he noticed, was halved accordingly to the alternating black and red pattern with the shoulders and arms cut in the proper area so that her diamond styled tattoos were easily seen. 

"I could ask the same of you." 

Harley looked down on her spyglass before looking inoccently up towards Batman who towered over her. "I was bird watching. They say there's this type o' hawk that builds nest in the city."

"Youre after the Beast as well. It wasn't a question; it was a statement, blunt and accusing.

A small smile passed over her lips as she tugged on the red half of her hair braided into a pigtail. Oh, ya see there's a big bounty on this bad boy's head. And I wanna get to him fore everyone else. She admitted. A gal's gotta have the chemicals ta make explosives! It's my peccadillo. Harley sighed wistfully. 

So why are you staking out Bobby English? He asked the dark tones of suspicion never letting up. 

Harley's black cherry lips curled into a smug little smirk. I could ask ya the same thing, but then I would actually have ta care ta wanna know. Anyhow, Bobbo here is the big guy who's payin' on the bounty.

The new bit of knowledge made him drop his hard act as surprise washed over his features. So that's why he's here. He said aloud directing the statement of realization to the air.

She nodded. Same thing 'bout the unlucky three stooges. Those idiots, they shouldn't have shot at 'im, it only made 'im hostile- Aw frozen snit. Harley cried her spyglass flying to her eye. With a grunt she collapsed the telescope dropping it into her bag. Bobby boy's leavin. Great I have ta do every single thing myself!

Batman stood looking down at the retreating car's back lights the words the peculiar woman had jabbered faintly playing back in his mind until a phrase she spoke struck his interest. He called to her retreating form. 

By then she had leapt over the edge and with the grace of an acrobat, taking hold of the nearest light pole she slid spiraling down onto solid grounds. 

Harley boldly walked over to the nearest covered body with her hands resting against her hips close to her pop-gun just in case anyone was stupid enough to stop her, though both police and EMTs were busy else where at the crime scene. 

Crouching down onto one knee she peeled back the black tarp releasing a long whistle, Ooh the neck broke on impact. Her gloved hand traced against the neck line twisted in a highly unnatural position. Nicely done, quick, but very nice.

Shaking herself out of her admirations she began raiding the pockets of the somewhat beefy man's carcass. 

With a soft thud Batman landed behind her with a look crossed between confusion and repulsion on his dark face. What are you doing?

Seein' what big boy here got on his hunt. My guess is that he and his buddies got lucky and spotted the Beast by accident. And like any testosterone driven male they had to use their guns and started shootin' at it as if it was a deer, thals." She said still rummaging through pockets. "Also English always give a little cash in advance to his _hunters._ She answered with a delighted shriek as she removed a large wallet and a crumbled piece of paper from the pockets. Ooh tasty!

He sighed looking about, Where's your partner?

He's not 'imself t'night. She answered shortly nosing shamelessly through the wallet.

Alright Jest, what you said awhile ago, you know what this thing is? He asked trying to get some answers from her before trying to capture her and send her to prison as was his duty. 

Tell me, Batsy, what do _you_ _think_ it is? She asked her eyes scanning over the note before drifting up towards the dark knight standing beside her.

Batman found over his many encounters with the jester that he was always at test with his patients. And who wouldn't be if each question he asked was either ignored, answered vaguely, or wasn't taken seriously enough. In fact she didn't really take anything seriously enough, as if it were all just a game she could reset if things didn't go her way.

It's a 30 foot nocturnal animal that's been turned loose on the city. He answered shortly.

Harley nodded before happily stuffing the wallet into her bag and walking away from the scene uncaring if anyone had noticed her. To correct ya, it's twenty five feet. And it wasn't turned loose on the city, it broke free.

Batman, tired of being taken lightly, followed quickly after her catching a firm grip of her swaying wrist. Within a blink of an eye he was staring at the cork filled barrel of one of the jester's favorite weapon of choice. As I see it, you know more about this thing than anyone else in this entire city. He said looking past the gun into her narrowed brown eyes.

Except for Bobby English. Harley corrected with both her smug face and gun unmoved.

Batman's persistent frown deepened, And Bobby English. The best way that I see it is that we call a temporary truce and help each other stop this thing.

The red and black haired jester craned her neck pitching her head backwards in a hearty laugh which caused the bells tied in her hair to jiggle. A truce? Batsy you make more deals with us than a 20 dollar crack-whore. Besides I don't need your help finding it. It's like those animal shows, it's all She stated flatly, her displeasure of straying from her usual course of random actions heavy in her voice. 

His brows came together pressed in thought as he tried using the womans method of tracking. Logical. It rest in the dayand feeds at night before moving to a new resting place! 

From behind him he heard rapid clapping, turning he saw the sincere smiling face of Harley as she applauded him happily. He felt a small swell of pride from her antics; at least someone took note of his achievements. 

Harley said clasping her hands together in mid-clap, The problem is it just finished eatin'. 

What? When? He asked looking about for any signs of feasting. 

Harley held up a finger in motions for him to wait as moved to the second black tarp covered body and with a kick of her boot uncovered it. 

Batman felt his stomach churn the second she tossed back the cover. Had he not been wearing the black mask he was sure everyone could see even from a block away that he had turned an unnatural color. On the ground was once a handsome man. His well structured model like face twisted into a look of pure agonizing pain. His mouth, stretched out as if frozen in an eternal yawn, revealed the scream that had died with him. Around his neck a gold chain heavy with small pendent of St. Andrew resting against his swelling pecks. That was all one could actually notice about the corpse because that was all there was to it. Where his lower ribs should have been was brutally torn away, a dark puddle of blood mixed with the oil and grime on the streets pooled about the gapping hole.

Harley by then was crouched down at his feet poking the body with a stick in genuine childish curiosity. Instead of bitten in half *poke-poke* it was pulled apart like taffy, *poke* not that twenty-five cents stuff that's hard to unwrap and has a joke on the inside, *poke* more like the real stuff that gets stuck *poke poke poke* in your teeth for the entire day. Harley rambled jabbing the stick so that a small gush of blood squirted from the body. It's easy ta see.

Trying to regain his composure he nodded in agreement. You can tell from the way the skin and muscles are torn and some of the intestine is still intact before ripping away. So far we know that- He stopped short and watched with apt interest as Harley began gently prodding the stick into the man's open eye. 

Quickly hiding the stick behind her back she stood straight. I'm listening! She said in her defense.

Ok, we need to think of where it is going to go next now that it has eaten. He said taking the tool of her prodding and breaking it half. Do you have any ideas?

Harley stood with a pouting lip looking down at the broken stick laid next to her feet whimpering lightly like a puppy. A small tap on her shoulder drew her attention back to the subject at hand. Oh, well think of it like a puppy. He's played; he's eaten; now he needs to quench his thirst before droppin' a load and goin' to sleep again. Harley stated. 

Batman flinched at her comments but carried on. It doesn't like a crowded place so where is there water in an unoccupied place? The park?

Harley shook her head to and fro making the bells in her hair jiggle their silver tones. Kissy faced teenagers are hangin' round. I know, if it werent for this Id be sickin' my baby Erik on them. 

The reservoir maybe? He wondered aloud.

Naw, Too far for it to travel. It has to be someplace near, about five miles, deserted with some source of water. Um Instantly her eyes brighten as she began to bounce up and down on her toes waving her hand through the air like a little school girl trying to get the teachers attention. Oh oh, I know! I know! Oh I know! 

Sighing Batman slapped his hand over his face. He asked in a muffled groan.

Puffing out her chest proudly she answered. Empy Shopping Center!

Batman asked before realization sunk in, yes it was within five miles and it had been closed down earlier that month for bankruptcy, no one was there anymore except for thefew skaters every now and then to grind', as some might say, down the stairs that lead tothe sculptured water fountain. Let's go. He said shortly.

Harley bit into her bottom lip as she trotted after him. Um by any chance can you give me a lift?

What you didn't bring your bike? He asked amazed.

Harley frowned placing her hands on her hips. Hey, I'll happily rest my neck but I ain't about to risk my baby! She growled.

Batman rolled his eyes, Bruce is so going to get on my case for this.' He thought to himself before saying two words he instantly regretted. Come on.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Ooh what does this button do? Batman flinched for the umpteenth time that ride as a gloved hand reached into his line of vision to press the closest glowing button on the control panel. 

What did I tell you before I let you in? He asked in a dark voice strained with annoyance. 

Harley sighed retracting her hand and laying it on her up bent leg. Don't touch anything. She grumbled. A few seconds of silence pasted between them before she spoke again. Why is it so small in here? Don't you ever have extra passengers? What if you had a side-kick where would he be? Is there any air freshener? You are sooo lucky I'm flexible.

Batman growled jerking the controls just so the Batjet jerked to the side causing the passenger to bump her head against the cockpit's side. She whimpered and whined like a puppy as she rubbed the side of her head. How does Nightshade stand you? Batman asked through a strained moan.

Moving her hand from her head Harley laughed sighing lightly in a dreamy tone. Heehee, like I said I'm _flexible_.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

To Batman that was the longest three minute ride he had ever taken in all of his days as Batman. Finally reaching their destination his moments of torment was rewarded with the sight of a massive form bent over the area the fountain could usually been seen. There it is.

A beauty ain't he? Harley asked from behind him. 

If she though a large rotten green potato with roots spreading about was beautiful than yes. It was a large deep forest spherical mass with numerous tentacles sprouting from various places all over its body. Whatever ya do don't let im spot you. Harley sang a bit too late. By then the large opening that was positioned within the water had pulled back and turned upwards towards the black jet circling above it.

The same inhuman screech that he had heard over the radio sounded ten times worse up front. He felt the sound waves of the sound jolt harshly against the jet causing the entire vessel to shake extremely with turbulence. We have to land and fight him on ground. He announced fighting to keep control of the trembling jet.

Harley, who by then was looking a sickly pale color despite the red glows, held her hand over her mouth and nodded. Sure, let's just get down before he pulls a Donkey Kong on us and knocks us to the ground!

Donkey? You mean King Ko- never mind. With expert maneuvering the Batjet was lowered atop the cemented walk ways. 

The cockpit door had barely slid open when Harley sprung into the air spiraling into a graceful landing with her gun drawn. Alright baby put your tentacles in the air! She said carefully inching towards it. You've been a bad boy, makin' mommy look all over the city for ya.

Batman watched her insane actions with mild surprise as he came to a sudden stop ten feet behind her. Trying to provoke it? He asked watching as the Beast crawled at a sluggish pace from the pit towards them. For something to move so slowly it amazed him that it could have vanished so quickly before. 

Knowing the rules for dealing with wild or any unknown animal he moved in the same slow pace trying to reach the jester and devise some sort of plan towards beating it at the same time. In the back of his mind a small voice laughed at his ideal notions, Yeah right, come up with a plan with the number one spontaneous improvising criminals you have yet to come by. Well you're at it why not try to teach a chicken how to fly? Or better yet get Bruce to laugh and give you the day off.' 

His thoughts were cut short when he noticed the Beast had steadily reached out one of its tentacles towards the still jester, she must have been frozen in fear to draw away, he could not let his greatest and only lead get injured. Moving on impulse his hand reached for his utility belt snatching a small exploding batarang. With a small grunt he flung the batarang with ease to the outstretched tentacle, on contact to the Beast's flesh the small bat shaped device exploded detaching the limb from the body and extracting a pained screech from the monster.

Careful to keep an eye on the Beast Batman closed the distance between him and Harley. Oh you really shouldn't have done that. Harley said in a drawn out tone. 

Batman looked up in time to see the Beast leap from before them to the other side of the fountain's pit. With another eerie shriek it swung its body just slightly sending eight tentacles lined with sharp spikes racing towards the two.

Whew, someone's temperamental tonight. Harley said dodging out of the way of the falling tentacle. You're gonna get such a spankin' when this is all over. Sticking out her tongue she fired her gun towards the body. On impact the gun's ammo exploded into a thick fog of gray smoke covering a large circle of the flesh with the mist. 

The flesh that had been misted began to turn a horrid ash color as it became brittle and hard. This did not go unnoticed by the Beast. Screaming in agony and rage the attacks came faster with more force down upon the two costumed people. Harley laughed in her throat as she jumped onto a decending limb and with great speed and agility ran up the tentacle flipping onto the next with each move of attack the Beast made. 

Batman took to the sky as another shot towards his chest. He landed perfectly atop the tentacle cutting through the round body with ease. Grunting he pitched a small array of exploding batarangs at the advancing tentacles. Each one fell to the ground as it was served leaving the stub to twitch and bleedgreen blood? 

No, not blood, it was too thin. 

It was then he noticed something was not right about the Beast. Focusing closer on the body while being careful as to avoid any other attacks he suddenly noticed something that many others did not, something a certain red and black haired woman already knew. The body wasn't one whole mass of flesh and blood, it was hundreds of those branching limbs wrapped tightly around something, and those tentacles weren't tentacles at all! 

It wasn't some thirty foot genetically engineered animal on the loose as many had predicted it to be, Wait, this thing isnt an animal, it's a-

Harley sprung backwards from the web of grasping limbs into a graceful series of back flips landing with ease on the pathway. He could hear the dreary sigh exhale from the criminal jester's panting mouth. Yeah, a giant frickin' plant on the rampage. 

The pieces began to fit together, no wonder she knew so much about its habits, she was surrounded by plants, what more she was practically dating one. Enraged he abandoned his fight with the Beast and approached Harley, who by then had been knocked back towards one of the shopping stores. Is this one of Nightshade's creations? Is that why you are after it? He demanded.

Harley groaned pulling herself onto her feet, Red didn't make this thing, he has more style than that!

If you two didn't make this than who did? He demanded grabbing her roughly by her arm. His patients with the woman was gone. He didn't like being left out on valued information even more so he detested being used. Whatever her reasons for being tied in with this he wanted to know before he lifted another finger. "Who, Harley?" He asked shaking her to stress his words with actions.

Harley flinched in pain trying to pry his fingers from her arm with no success. Ow! Ok, ok, English did! Happy now? Eng-lish made it! Thats why he wants both it and me killed, so no one can tie it back to him!

Batman went still when the new tidbit of information was roughly handed onto him. You? Why does he want you dea-? A screech loud enough to shatter glass resonated from the Beast throat before a spiked tentacle sling shot its barbs towards them.

Get down! Harley shouted just as her shoulder collided with his lower body causing the both of them to tumble to the course payment below. The creature's barbs whizzed above their heads colliding forcefully into the shop window above. Both Batman and Harley ducked within themselves as the glass shards rained down on their prone bodies cutting them mercilessly.

Looking up both noticed the Beast quickly moving away from the fight. Harley groaned untangling herself from Batman's grasping limps. No, I'm so close.

He grunted as he tried to keep her still and close to the ground, but it was in vain. She scrambled onto her own two feet watching the Beast's retreating form. Harley screamed. Red, please!

An inhuman moan vibrated throughout the Beast's form as it stopped in its escape and looked back onto the pleading woman. For the time being everything seemed to come to a halt and nothing was but the woman dressed in red and black and the monster made of vegetation gazing onto one another with a sense of strange familiarity. 

Harley sighed lightly unprepared for what had happened next. 

The movement almost went unseen, the only thing that held proof that it had happened was a blur of green followed by the small gasp falling from the jester's lips as the poisonous barb sunk into her skin.

Batman caught her falling figure before she could land on the ground beneath her. He spoke her name softly looking over the large thorn embedded deep and most likely painfully into her side. 

But she was not acknowledging his call or showing any signs of pain, instead her brown eyes were soft and blank, looking someplace beyond him. She whispered.

End Subchapter 1


	2. Beauty: subchapter 2

Beauty and her Beast: Subchapter 2

With baited breaths he wiggled the small hard sting loose disregarding the small hiss that came for his patient's side before removing the blood covered point inch by inch. Are you sure you don't need to go to a doctor? He asked removing the three inch barb from Harley's side. 

Harley nodded clenching her teeth together against the slight sting when he dabbled more of the alcohol onto her wounded side. I'm sure, Im immune ta most toxins and all of the ones Red produces. She explained holding her shirt above her rib cage. 

Seated atop a Save-mart store roof Batman wrapped a gauze around the jester's curvy side, he ignored the fact that she had broken into the store below them to get the supplies needed to doctor their injuries, they would pay for the stole items later. There. I hope you know what you are doing. He stated fastening the clasp.

Actually I don't, but I'm not the type who can just waltz into a hospital, get treated, and walk out with a lollipop. Now sit down so I can play doctor on ya. She forcefully parked him down where she once sat and moved the medical kit to her side easily within her reach.

Taking a deep breath he braced himself as she pulled one of the four shards of glass from his shoulder blade. Ow! Can you be any rougher? He demanded out of reflex. 

Quit your whinin' ya baby. Harley hissed from behind him though her handle of his treatment became more cautions and tender. 

Well since we're here do you care to explain to me how thatthing is Nightshade? He asked his long awaited question.

He felt her surprisingly gentle touch pause against his suit; she was frozen behind him that he could tell without even looking. He's like that cause of me. She spoke in a low tone that drew his head backwards to see the face that went with it. Within a blink of an eye the drooping expression plastered across her face was swept away into one of a small forced dark smirk. Ok, this all started when me and Chris were out at this bar plannin' our next job. She stated regaining herself and went back to the task at hand. 

What the hell is it wit' people interruptin' me while I'm talkin'? Chris, Christopher Isely, better known to ya as Nightshade! Ya know my boy toy the green illegal South American native guy who controls plants and all that junk? Anyway, bout a lil' over a week ago me an' Red are out at this bar, ya know the one on the corner of Princess and Orange Ave, plannin' on our next hit when this guy in a fake Italian designer suit comes strollin' up to us. He causally buys us each a drink and talk 'bout a job offer. Now we were gonna just take the drinks and run but he made a pretty good offer. 

He flinched as the third piece of glass was removed. What sort of offer?

What did I say bout interruptin'? Harley asked before pushing her thumb into one of his cuts smiling pleasantly when a loud hiss was drawn from his lips. All we had to do was break into this placeBiotech, Agritech, well something like that and get a sample of some stuff and deliver it back to him. Well the next night...Red and I break in, with minimal damage mind you, take the case of test tubes then leave just like that. She snapped her finger next to his pointy ear. 

Um brace yourself. She warned seconds before a stinging sensation ran over his senses. Sitting down the bottle of alcohol Harley proceeded with her tale. So we go to this place to make the delivery, some old house up in the Eastside of town, we walk in and _wham_ some bastard clocks me in the back! She had abandoned his back and began pacing about waving her hands in emphasis to her story. I wake up I-don't-know-how-many-hours-later strapped downon a table! The punks set us up! First they used us to get the stuff, then they were gonna use us for lab rats!

Lab rats?

Yeah, inside the box was bout four tubes of this chemical stuff. Ya see the guy who hired us, our own Bobby English, was once the head guy of this project involving this chemical at the place we had robbed. He develops this stuff and tests it and tests it and test it until finally he gets up to testing it on people but his funds were cut off.

So he had his own research department robbed so that he could test it on people illegally yet still remain in the clear. What was it meant to do? 

Harley sighed taking a seat before him her vivacious eyes tinged with concern gazing into the whites of his. I think increase a person's body strength, like steroids but without the harsh side-effects, very hard to detect. But that's not important, back to what happened. Um where was I? Oh yeah the jackass is about to inject the stuff into me. I guess he was the ladies first type o' gentleman. But I'm laid out and strapped down frettin' like a baby when- Harley's eyes drifted slowly down onto her lap. 

When Red- Her voice was as low as a whisper faintly carried by the gentle winds.

Nightshade told them to try it out on him first so youd be spared for the time being. He finished for her.

Yeah. But there was one thing they sorta overlooked. Red ain't no normal person! He's not even a mammal anymore! The solemn look on her face quickly passed on into one of livid rage. His body starts doin' funky things and the next thing I know all those plants starts growin' outta him like a frickin' chia pet, he started screamin' totally destroyin' the place! He kept getting' worse and worse, until he's that thing out there. 

Batman sat still on his seat on the rooftop allowing the information to digest in his mind. The entire situation has turned making things all the more complicated. He couldnt just destroy the Beast now that he knew it was a human beingalmost. And with her going about she wasn't about to let anyone harm him even if it meant sacrificing the entire city so that he may live. He had to find away to reverse this, but that wasn't possible unless he could somehow get a sample of the chemical he was exposed to.

He asked taking a firm hold of her shoulders. This is very important, you said there were four samples right?

Good to see ya were payin' attention. Harley sighed. What bout it?

How many did they use? He asked his fingers gripping tightly onto her shoulders, his anxiousness visible both in his usually stoic face and body language.

Harley's brows came together with curiosity. That night, only one. But I think another one was destroyed when Red was bustin' free.

So where are the other two? He asked.

Harleys eyes drifted upwards as she tapped her index finger lightly on the side of her cheek. English had kept them in his jacket pocket. But sticky fingers me, She reached into her sleeve removing the narrow containers. Stole them when he was bolting.

Batman carefully released her, his eyes focused on the pink liquid in each unmarked tube clutched between her gloved fingers. He said, I think we may have a chance for a cure.

Harley smiled broadly before flinging her arms around him in a bone crushing hug that lifted him off his feet. I knew I could count on you! She squealed in a high pitched voice squeezing her arms tightly around him. Oops sorry, old habits.

After the spots had ceased to dance before his vision he reached within a small compartment of the utility belt clasped tightly around his waist producing a small ash colored rectangular device. This is a communicator, He said holding it up for her to see. Be careful its very delicat-

Harley interrupted him by snatching the communicator from his fingers. With careless curiosity she inspected the contraption shaking the small thing roughly in her hands before biting down onto the corner. Whatcha givin' me dis for? She asked bouncing it up and down as she flipped her hand from palm up to palm down. 

Batman sighed; in all the years he had encountered her she would always remain the same. For me to contact and find you. I am going to see if I can come up with a cure from the liquid in these, He stated holding up the test tubes shaking the mysterious substance within before pocketing them. You look tired, go home and get some rest. We'll meet tomorrow night Nine PM, or if the Beas- I mean Nightshade should attack again.

Harley nodded in agreement, for a moment he though this was the most cooperative he had ever seen her since meeting her almost four years ago when suddenly he found himself staring once again at the barrel of her favorite toy. 

Her usually cheerful demeanor faded into one of grave solemnity as a deep foreboding voice seeped from clearly her mouth. Ok then, I'm trusting you to help me save my Red. But if you should fail me I swear I will hunt your miserable bat want-to-be carcass down and blow your damn knee caps off from beneath you. After that I promise I will slowly torment you until you are within inches of death before shooting you in the head and feeding your bloody corpse to the sharks down in the aquarium. I hope that I have made myself perfectly clear. 

Just as quickly as her dark disposition had appeared it vanished into Harley's trademark grin. In a graceful series of tumbles she landed, balanced in a headstand on the roofs border. G'night Batsy. She called before falling over the side of the building vanishing from his sight. 

The blush of morning was just beginning to break over the horizon when Terry McGinnis, free of the suit for the night, stood looking onto the stoic face of his mentor. The silence between them was awkward and unsettling, as if they were in a standoff in some old spaghetti western. Oddly enough they had been like that since he took off the mask twenty minutes ago. 

Taking one deep breath Terry, unable to take it any longer shattered the silence with his voice. Ok, go on and say it. I shouldnt have allowed her to get involved. I shouldnt have trusted her as must as I did and I really shouldnt have let her into the jet. 

I don't need to since you really have the general idea of what I'm going to say. But be careful, Harley Quinn taught her so you don't know what she will not do. Bruce warned from his seat before the large computer screen. 

I don't know, Jest isn't really like Quinn. I mean comparing those two, Jest is more independent and she isn't gaga over the Joker. Terry pointed out. 

Bruce sighed looking over the vials he had been giving to convert into a cure for the flora based criminal. You're wrong; she's very much like Quinn.

How so?

She's in love. He stated quiet shortly. And she'll do anything for him, even at the cost of her own life. I should have something ready by tonight.

I'm counting on you. Terry stated before heading up the narrow stone stairs leading out of the dismal place known as the Batcave.

The red digital numbers flashed from 4:59 PM to 5:00 PM, Beep-beep-beep. Beep-beep-beep. A rapid pulse chimed into the shell of the sleeping woman's ear. Slowly one eye cracked open in a murderous glare at the inanimate object disrupting her much desired sleep. 

It is a know fact that many of people in the world are not morning persons; usually they awake slowly in a grumpy and irate state until they had somehow rid themselves of their groggy state. Harley Jest wasn't an exception. She wasn't just grumpy and irritableshe was homicidal. Something, the buzzing timer was soon to find out, she did not discriminate in.

Before another sets of beeps could be let loose the small timer was clasped in a delicate hand that squeezed together crushing the plastic body silencing the accursed wail. Pitching the digital timer carelessly over her shoulder she sat up from her curled position bumping her head roughly against the wooden seat edge. She didn't even notice when she had fallen asleep in the botanical garden's gazebo but she knew she must have really needed it. Her search to find her beloved partner in crime in the only place she could think of finding him thus far had proved fruitless and her fatigue state was only hindering her efforts. Finally she had convinced herself after a long talk to her own reflection in a public restroom mirror; which drew many of confused stares, she decided on an hour's worth of sleep. 

Yawning, her squinting eyes looked about the waning sun in the distance, it would be dark soon, and something that went against her. She wanted to find him at rest, that much of her plan she knew, what was to happen after she found him.she'd work that out as she went along.

Before slipping away in the park she had made a quick stop at their home to feed her pet hyena before he took it upon himself to find it otherwise and also to change into something that wasn't battle-worn. Pulling on the jacket's hood over her head Harley walked hidden among the so-called normal people whistling thoughtlessly to herself as her eyes scanned about for anything that did not belong in the gardens, it didnt help that a large number of exotic plants were scattered about the entire grounds.

Dammit, dammit, dammit! She cried jumping up and down in an all out hissy fit drawing a few curious glances, I've circled round this stinkin' place twice and I haven't seen anything interestin

A small Harley Quinn figure with horns and a shot gun appeared on her right shoulder while a young nine year old version of herself appeared on the other. 

Well seeing that pigeon fightin' a squirrel over a pizza crust was interesting. Her younger self argued in a soft innocent voice.

But I still haven't found anythin' and I know he's here! She whined stamping her foot in emphasis as she continued to mentally argue with herself. 

The Quinn figure stretched looking about the park with fevered eyes and her fingers itching to shot at something. How do we know hes not down at a garden show eating up all of the flower freaks? She asked spotting an over fed pigeon. Curling her tongue over her top lip she fired.

Nice shot. He has to be here, he just has to. The park is Red's solace and he always end up here eventually. But I've looked everywhere from top to- Her words were slowly drawn to a cease as her eyes settled on the ivy covered storm drains. 

The nine year old Harley Jest squealed before vanishing.

Quinn scrunched her face in a look of disgust. She has the right idea. I'm outta here.

Aw man, Red. Why do this to me? Harley wondered looking into the sky.

Night was less than thirty minutes from swallowing the day with its inky darkness, or as dark as it could possibly get in the city. And once the sun went down the Green Beast came out. 

This was something that every once in a while made itself known in the mind of the jester as she walked through the foul smelling pipelines, the beams her flashlight cutting through the murky darkness catching sight of rats, trash, and graffiti. 

The din of the world of humans above was muted by the dirt and cement, the only true sounds present in the claustrophobic space was the repetitive drips from the drains and her bagged feet upsetting the swallow waters. Of course Harley's deep-seated personality could only withstand it for two minutes. 

Who can take a sunrise, sprinkle it with dew? Cover it in chocolate and a miracle or two Forgetting herself for the moment she jumped from foot to foot in an impromptu jig. The candy-man can, the candy-man can, the candy-man can cuz he mixes it with love and makes the world taste good. She sang twirling on one foot. 

Who can take to-what the heck did I just step on? The beam of her light glowed down on an elongated object floating in the mucky water. She moaned with disgust trailing her light along the body of the unknown thing up along the pipe wall. 

Her wondering eyes soon changed into one of relief as an impish passed over her darkened face. On the other side of the light secured on the wall in a Christ-like position by the limbs sprouting out of his on pale green skin was the one known as the deadly Nightshade.

Without a thought she ran deeper into the ivy like limb covered pipe, unaware to the fact that for some reason they did not attack her, until she stood face to face with her unconscious lover. 

It was the worst she had ever seen him, his lovely bold red hair grown out to fall in subtle curls on his shoulders laid disheveled and plastered across his round dirty cheeks now a pastel color of lime. Though he laid at rest, gathering solar energy by way of his trailing attachments his chest rose and fell roughly in labored breaths. 

She asked rubbing her hand lightly over his cheek smudging the dirt against his skin. Strawberry cheesecake?

For a brief moment weary eyes, an unsettling iridescent color of bottle green, opened looking beyond her as if she were as translucent as the air about them. Harley felt hope swell within her breast before deflating as his eyes closed once again.

Pooh? Man dingo? She asked her voice quickening with the impatiens as she called him by various pet names. Dammit Red git up! She hissed striking him hard against his face. 

The sound of skin striking skin echoing throughout the pipeline was soon interrupted by the soft hiss of the outstretched limps withdrawing back onto the lethargic body of Nightshade. Harley stood watching as the once resting face looked up onto her, green eyes bleeding red as the inhuman scream she had come to know screeched from her beloved's mouth.

Whoops-a-daisy, guess I shouldna done that. She laughed nervously to herself.

Standing ankle deep in the foul murky waters she could do nothing else but stand helplessly and watch the limbs recoil around her lover's body hiding him from the world in a plant like cocoon surrounding him in darkness. 

His mind ever confused relaying souly on an animal instinct he ever refused to believe dwelled within his being, he was unaware that as his branching vine like limbs returned his partner and love had became tangled within the web of his vines. He did not hear her cries or feel her struggles against him. All that he knew was an instinctive need to go topside and feed.

End Subchapter: 2

Harley: Next time of the Misadventure of Moi and Nightshade: Beauty and her Beast the final chapter ensues. Can Batsy and I get Red back to normal before English knocks off the both of us? I hope so. 


	3. Beauty: final

Harley J: Neoen keep ya mitts off my man! *Chases her away with her mallet*

DSP: Harl, no! You're not allowed to harm our readers!

Nightshade: *Sticks his head out of monster suit* Can I take this off now? I'm roasting in here.

DSP: No, now get your butt back into that suit and get ready for the next chapter. Harley get back here or I'll stick you in the same outfit for the rest of this series!

Harley: Ok ok. *Walks away mumbling* Ya ram horned no talented freak.

Beauty and her Beast: Final Chapter

Night had settled out onto Gotham, the numerous electronic billboards acting as a nightlight in a darkened hallway kept the shadows at bay, but it did nothing to stop the old childhood fears of 'monsters' and the 'bad things'. No, that was why he was there, patrolling the city, protecting it, in some sort of atonement for a life lost. 

Batman's masked eyes scanned diligently about seeking out any signs of danger to both his relief and disappointment finding nothing. 

The Batjet filled with the sound of a signal breaking before the feminine voice broke through. "Hello? Hello!"

Tapping lightly on the communicator's button Batman spoke. "Jest?" He asked in his trademark low tone. 

"Helloooo?! How the hell do ya use this damn thing?" The jester's obviously frustrated voice asked of no one in particular. "Hello? Piece of crap must be from Radio Shack. Hey? Hello? Is there a machine I can talk to? Or some-" Beeeep!! "Hey King of the Road mind gettin' your head out of your ass while ya drive?! What was that? Ya better be lucky I'm busy or I'd rip that finger off and shove it in ya-"

"Harley! You already have it on, take your finger off the button." He said. Already he had grown intolerant of her behavior and she was not even within his presents to have done it.

"Oh, um hi Batman, ya told me to meet wit' ya at 9 or in case Red made an early appearance. Well um Red's on the move, I thought ya might wanna know that."

"Where is he heading?" He asked looking down on the digital map of Gotham and the quickly moving spot that was Harley.

"Um… If he keeps headin' in this direction, uptown near Grissilen Square." 

"I'll meet you there. Do you think you can keep up with Nightshade?"

Some blocks away down on Wright Street Harley's eyes looked dumbfounded down at the communicator in her hand. "Keep up with him?" She looked down onto the rampaging mass of green limbs she was unwillingly riding on. "Um…no problem." She stated before stuffing the device back into her jacket pocket and took a firm grip of a vine. "Giddiup jester girl! Yeehaw!"

Regardless of how fast his jet was Batman always felt that it moved too slowly, especially when it came to him getting to someplace quickly. Though Bruce had assured him over and over again that the jet was the fastest means of transportation in all of Gotham City, and at most chances within the whole state he still felt pressed for time.

Arriving onto the destination where his radar had pinpointed Harley he brought the jet into a quick stop watching as the Beast bellowed and bucked trying to knock aside the oncoming traffic while making attempts to dislodge something off his back. Upon closer inspection his cowl turned into a disbelieving frown.

"Heehaw!" Harley cried waving one hand in the air as the creature bucked wildly beneath her. The pure look of joy imprinted on her face made her appear to be someone toppling on the edge of intoxication while riding on a mechanical bull.

The look on his face quickly change as his sights locked onto a brown limb reaching out to the nuisance attached to the back of the Beast. 

"Jest! Look out!" He shouted in vain, only to be too late. 

The jester shrieked in surprise when the branch wrapped around her midsection easily plucking her from her secured seat into the air. 

"Just great." He mumbled watching as the struggling woman was rounded around then pitched forcefully through the empty air. Moving the jet quickly he moved within the route of her trajectory hoping her quick wit wasn't going to fail her at the moment.

He watched winching at the sight of her backside colliding with great force against the curved metal of the wing. Her body continued to flip with the momentum of the throw, he felt his breath stop within his throat before her hand instinctively grasped hold of the smooth edge her body had seconds ago brushed against.

Unaware of the concern showing on his face he waited until his most withstanding female adversary regained her poise and with shaky movements looked over towards him. 

Harley's lips stretched into a wide smile reassuring him in her own way that she was fine. Mouthing a request to land she pointed downwards to the terra firma below. 

Once on the ground Batman jumped from the cockpit to his adversary's side watching as she moved her skirt to rest on her curvy side revealing tattoo and bare buttock. "Owie, I think I broke my ass."

A sense of ease passed over him with the knowledge that she was not harm badly; realizing his slip of character his impassive-like scowl reappeared on his darkly masked face. "You're welcome." He said dryly already use to not getting the gratitude he so rightfully deserved. "What _are_ you wearing?" 

Harley looked down on her Spaghetti Western jezebel motif costume: A limp-shouldered red blouse cut with a low neckline. The black corset pressed in her stomach and elevated her breast, giving the onlooker a decent eyeful. On her hips rested a very short black and red layered wrap around skirt that completely exposed her right thigh revealing tattoos and a gun hoister. She saw absolutely nothing wrong with her choice of clothing except for the black and red thigh-highs that were ripped from riding on the unwilling Nightshade's back. 

Placing her hands on her hips her brown eyes narrowed angrily at him. "Hey! I'm not the one runnin' around dressed like a frickin' winged rat! Did you find a cure?"

He removed two small dart-like projectiles from his belt presenting them to her with a look of smug pride. "We only have these two so we have to make them count."

Harley plucked a dart from his hand inspecting it carefully. "How do ya know that it'll work?" 

The familiar inhuman screech the pair had come to know all too well bellowed down the street shattering glass with their sonic force. 

Slowly removing his hands from his ears Batman regarded the jester who was doing the same. "It's as good a time as any to find out."

Harley rubbed her ringing ears furiously, "Do you have any plans of how we're going to give him the shot?"

Looking onto her his impassive face slipped into a small smirk that almost went undetected. "As much as I hate to say this we'll have to do as you usually do. Go head on and think on our toes."

She pitched her head backwards in a haughty laugh that echoed throughout the chaotic scene. "You've been 'round me too much, Batsy. I think I'm rubbin' off on ya!" She clapped him roughly against his back.

"Do what you have to, just distract him." He said regretting his words instantly as the jester took off obviously without a plan in her head.

Removing the trick-flag gun from her thigh holster Harley quickly paraded to the creature's backside. "Okay, Baby, I got three fully loaded guns, freedom to cause all the damage I want," She aimed carefully squinting with one eye. "And I've only had four hours of sleep…let's get it on!" 

The projectile whistled as it flew into the air in a spiraling arch into the sky. The whistling noise soon stopped as the objected exploded into a circled of white fireworks. "Dammit, I was promised a heart not a halo."

The creature turned towards the source of its disruption, the cocky looking jester standing twenty or so feet below it. Growling with irritation of the mammal creature that dared to get in its path every chance it had it turned its full attention onto her. The leaves rustled together in a long hissing like sound. Setting its head towards her the vines baring barbs the size of nine inch knives, coiled about its body slowly unraveled in a serpentine motion poising ready to attack like a hooded cobra ready to strike.

With no motions hinting towards its movements the vine struck cracking downwards to the jester in lightening fast speed. When the vine cracked down on the sidewalk, splitting the cement in half, the jester no longer stood in her place rather a foot away balanced upside down on one hand. 

"C'mon ya know ya gotta work for it." Her voice haughty baiting with her confidence and merriment. 

An additional three vines joined in striking towards the jester who easily tumbled out of harms way as if it were mere child's play.

The quick paced scene went on for only a few minutes, neither villain aware of the dark knight slipping undetected beneath the massive creature's belly. All that was heard was the sound of the dart flying through the air a short distance into the soft underbelly.

If the creature had any visible eyes one could be sure that it was popped wide with shock and pain. Growling it reared onto the branches that acted as its hind legs thrashing his head roughly from side to side, the dark forest green leaves all shuttered together making an endless rustling noise revealing the long dark red barbs beneath. 

Harley could do nothing more than stand frozen in her spot watching as the massive man turned plant creature slowly came back down in a green wave that would most definitely crush her small body. "The crap is about to be scared out of me." She whispered willing her body to move but her feet had yet to move an inch.

The rocketing roar of Batman's boots filled Harley's ears, the blur of deep green quickly turned to black as she found herself bent over Batman's shoulder in a fireman's carry, her rear sticking high in the air with his arms holding her down in the back of her knees.

She looked back at the bucking creature watching in shock as the long spiny vines shot randomly from its back and sides.

"Ah! Left left go left! Now right! Right again!" Batman jumped towards the side dodging the vine as it landed roughly in the street's asphalt. "Comin' up the rear!" Batman leapt high into the air landing none so gracefully with a hallowed '_umph_'. All the while he wondered to himself if it was all worth it, being Batman hated by some for protecting those the law could not. Being wanted for bringing justice and peace onto the much needing city.

"I ain't a scientist or anythin' but should he be convulsin' like that?" She wondered looking behind them as Batman rushed them to safety.

Dodging behind an abandoned pickup truck he slid the woman from his shoulder. "It should have begun reversing the effects by now."

Curled into her cover with her round backside protruding slightly, Harley thought over all possible mishaps before finally coming to one single answer. "Ya idiot!" She shouted grabbing him by his shoulders and shaking him carelessly. "Ya made the same damn mistake English did! Red ain't really a human mammal anymore!" 

Batman shook himself out of his momentary shock; did she just call him an idiot?

"Your damn cures are useless now." she shrieked waving her hands into the air as she walked away from him.

Just as he was about to stop her retreat the sound of something speeding between them whizzed in their ears as a small hole appeared in the brick wall beside them about three inches from Harley's face. "What was that?" Harley asked waving away the small cloud of dust particles. 

"Up there!" Batman pointed upwards to a building top at three figures armed with long ranged firearms. "It's English."

"That bastard shot at me! I cannot believe this." She shouted standing out in the open. 

Unbelieving of her reaction Batman quickly tackled the angered woman until the rough sidewalk out of sight of the gunmen. 

"Owie, I think I landed on a soda can." She whined. 

Having quickly recovered Batman survived their situation trying to calculate the perfect plan of action. "I think that's the least of your problems."

"Oh yeah you're right. Red's trying to impale me, English's trying to put a bullet in my head, and I'm on Gotham's wanted list. Thanks for making me realize the glass is half full, Batsy."

"We have to think of something." He growled at her, her lack of concern towards the entire life threatening situation testing his nerves.

"Click-click, light bulb! Listen I'll deal with the gunners, you take care of Red." She said standing all too prepared to rush across the street.

"But the serum doesn't work!" He shouted jerking her back into the safety of their makeshift cover.

Harley's usually soothing brown eyes stared maliciously into the white pools of the mask. "Well come up with something." She growled, "'Cause I ain't 'bout to have him killed off even if it means lettin' him tear this miserable city down and sacrificing everyone in it."

The flames of determination dancing in her soul searing eyes made her words ring with the absolute truth, the little furrow in her brow and the deep scowl on her face wouldn't let him doubt for one moment that she would make good on her vow should they fail. "Why?" He asked in a soft voice. "Why risk everything and everyone for him?"

The dark look faded as she blinked curiously at him, as if considering him worthy of hearing the answer. "Because I'm a Harley and I have to, that's why. Good luck!" She beamed before rushing away.

Atop the building roof English and his two henchmen fire down on their targets, the rampaging beast and his devout girlfriend. 

A hard faced goon with the structure of a nightclub bouncer raked his high-powered scoop across the chaos reaped grounds below. "Hey the daffy bitch disappeared." He announced rolled from his stomach onto his side.

English removed his eyes from the scope looking down onto the ground where the beast was thrashing around, his brows furrowed with slight concern at his failed experiment's new abnormal behavior. "Just keep a look out for her. If we don't kill her, her boyfriend might do the job for us." He said going back to the task of shooting vainly at the creature along with Batman dodging below.

Rolling his eyes the thug looked back towards his assigned mark only to find himself looking between a pair of ripped stocking legs. He looked up the elongated legs to the gun barrel. "I know what you're askin' yourself right now." She smiled darkly cocking her gun. "And no these ain't Bugle Boy jeans I'm wearing."

"I ask that you don't kill my minions." A rich voice spoke beside her. "Between you and your freak of a boyfriend you've killed what…four of my men?"

"More like seven." When Harley looked up a fast moving foot kicked her from beneath her chin forcing her head to snap back and her body to tumble with the surprise. The additional force of a gun's handle jobbed roughly into her abdomen sent her body toppling over the edge in an uncontrollable fall. 

Batman watched helplessly from far as the jester fell towards the pavement. "Harley!"

What had happened next made everyone pause in surprise, a thick branch reached out catching the falling body with ease. Rolling onto her back Harley looked upwards towards the mass of greenery staring down onto her. Shuddering in fear she watched a limb race towards her body. "Red, please!" She cried closing her eyes in fear.

Slowly opening her eyes, half expecting to see the plant limb embedded deep within her shaking chest, Harley looked down she saw nothing out of the ordinary sticking out of her body. Breathing a sigh of relief she looked upwards to see the green limb posed a foot away from her like a poisonous serpent ready to strike.

The mass of twisted limbs she sat upon hoisted her close so that her noise was just inches away from the awaiting limb. 

"R-red." She breathed from trembling lips. The tentacle slowly traced across her cheek as the body trembled beneath her. 

'What is he doing? Why isn't he attackin' me?' She wondered to herself second before realization settled on her, he was treating her just like the honey suckle curtains did. 'I-is he purring?' She carefully ran her hand delicately across the rough bark like surface observing as the rumbling beneath her grew stronger. "You are purring." A small smile graced her face as the branching vine pulled away from her presenting a fresh bloomed flower she did not know the name of. 

From beneath them the dark knight made his presents known. "Jest, what's going on?"

Leaning over just so she yelled down, "Red's back in his right mind!" 

A bullet whizzed by Harley's shoulder grazing her lightly. "Eep! Why that mother humping illegitimate son of a Teletubby!" From beneath her the limbs rumbled with the low growl. "I think it's time for a little pay back. Babe, are ya still hungry?" 

Standing down on the pavement below Batman watched in horror as three vines sprout from the back side of the creature racing upwards onto the building where English and his men had been shooting from. The three men's frightened cries echoed sharply throughout the night fading quickly with the cackling fires around them and the sounds of far off sirens most likely heading towards their direction. The vines coiled tightly around the three bodies closing in tighter and tighter until the sickening sounds of bone crushing underneath the pressure resonated through the night.

When the three had creased to move and the blood dribbled form their mouths and noses the vines released them to drop mercilessly onto the ground below with a heavy thud. "Oh Red," Harley sighed, "Must you play with your food?"

With the danger gone Batman stood before Harley as she lovingly stroked the branching limbs of her transformed lover, explaining to her what had happened. 

"Ok ok ok, let me see if I got this straight. Ya mean to tell me Red's naturally immunity couldn't stop what English did but it could stop the cure? Ok this makes no sense; this is like…like a bad fan fiction void of plot!" Harley cried tossing her hands up into the air.

Batman sighed crossing his arms over his chest as he tried once again explaining what had happened. "As he is now his immunity is heightened two times than it was before. The serum worked, just partially enough to allow him to regain rational thought but as for his form...his immunity stopped the cure before anymore could be done. We need for immunity cells to be present in the serum already to…well trick the rest of his body into allowing the cure to work. But with him as he is-"

"Blah blah blah! Anymore talkin' and my head's gonna explode. Here gimme the dart." Without even waiting for him to present it to her she snatched it from his hand. Using a blade edged playing card she cut into her thumb. "Red gave me some nasty stuff that lets me hang around him 24/7 without dieing. A nice trade off with a few side effects." Drop by drop her blood spilled into the opened dart mixing with the liquid within. 

"Side effects?"

"If I don't get the right amount of a certain vitamin or something I get this really bad fever before my body shuts down for a few hours, what bodily functions that happens during that time…ya don't wanna know." She rubbed the limb closest to her before jabbing the dart into the bloodstream. "Thank you, my strawberry short cake, for be a universal recipient."

Stepping away from the creature both watched with baited breaths as it laid down, suddenly tired, the vines, branches and leaves steadily retreated within themselves, bit by bit taking away from the creature's size until at long last nothing remained but the limp form of Christopher Isely.

"Red!" Harley cried rushing to the side of the still figure laid out in the nude on the asphalt. 

Batman gazed on completely awestruck at the queerly dressed jester with her face completely contorted into a look of pure concern. "How is he?" Batman asked watching as she lifted the man off the cool ground to lean against her chest for support.

After a moment of pressing her hand against the green man's neck she let a joyful laugh before planting loving kisses to the man's dirty cheek. "He's ok, he's gonna be fine!" She squealed pulling his body securely against her own. 

From behind them the sounds of blaring police cars turned their attention to the arriving authorities quickly approaching the scene. 

"Thanks Batsy, ya ain't so useless after all." Harley's voice whispered from behind him. 

Batman turned back to the criminal couple. "I hope you do kno-" He stopped short; the spot where the two had once been seated on the moist pavement was barren of all peoples. He couldn't help but smirk dryly at himself for being so forgetful as to whom he was dealing with, a woman in love. Making a mental note to himself he too took off before the police came to put an end to his vigilante days. 'Never turn your back on those two.'

Seated on the cold and unforgiving faux wooden floor of an empty apartment Harley smiled lovingly down on the unconscious face of her lover resting contently on her lap. With gentle care she laid her jacket atop his bare frame the best she could. "Welcome back, Red." She smiled adoringly down at the man on her lap her fingerless gloved hand tracing over the squared line of his jaw re-memorizing his strong face into her mind. 

Pressing her lips faded of their lipstick to his brow for the hundredth time that night she too settled down to rest Batman's question and her answer recurring in her mind. 

__

'Why risk everything and everyone for him?' 'Because I'm a Harley and I have to, that's why.'

Being a Harley Quinn like figure was more than just going about causing havoc and making jokes. It wasn't about being truly, madly, in love with the Joker as some may say. And it wasn't as easy as some of those discreditable Jokerz made it out to be. It was smiling at all times, in happiness, in sadness, in bliss, and in pain. It was to love with great devotion and to love unconditionally until it hurt, sometimes to the point a delusion was forced onto the mind to make it all seem better (even then she always had to smile), and having the inner strength to endure it all. To put it simply what it means to be a Harley is just to love without limits.

End Beauty and her Beast.

NS: Finally, I'm out of that horrible thing! 

DSP: Oh quit it and do the preview. 

NS: Make Harl do it, I need a shower.

HJ: Well the Demoness is always late on everything but that doesn't stop her. Next time Red's in more torment in My Funny Valentimes.

DSP: Valentines Harley.

HJ: Whatever.


	4. My Funny Valentimes

DSP: Ok I got the first chapter(s) done. Time to reply to reviews! 

HJ *walks in baring reviews*: Ta-da. Now that I have just wasted thirty seconds of my life doing something you could have done without getting off your butt can I go now? Heat Guy J is on and I wanna watch.

DSP: Yea yea...wait you can't watch it in here!

HJ *ignores the Demoness while eating an abnormally huge tub of popcorn and watching the anime*: Heeeeat Guuuuy.

DSP: Ok on to reviews. Yay all of my favorite readers reviewed!   
YamiMarita: Oh thank you, thank you, *holds award* You endure me, you really endure my work! *Bows forgetting she's at her computer and bangs her head against the desk.* Ouchie.

Neoen: Darn-skippy you should get to writingwait, when did I become a muse? Do I get paid for this? *Shrugs while handing over a Red plushy.* That's as close to the real thing as you can get without Harl biting your arms off.

Auroris: Ok take a deep breath and release, repeat until you are calm. Yeah I took Pinch of Cayenne down, but I'm working on it, redoing it so that everything doesn't move as quickly as it was before. I rather hated that. Same with the X-men thing I tried but that's staying down because it's a sad Mary-Sue that I come to find I have no love for. Also I have seen the New JL, and if I should ever dip into that it would have to be about Hawkgirl, only because she is an underdeveloped character in that show only used for grunt work. There isn't even an action figure for her! How sad it that? I mean look at it, the main focus on that show is Superman, Batman, and Wonder Woman. I must dig deeper into that before attempting to make waves there.

Harley Quinn figurine *pops up with a plastic lightening bolt and strikes Demoness with it*: Ker-POW!

DSP: OW! What the hell was that about? 

HQ: Brainstorm.

DSP: Hey you were only my tempt muse and you don't have to hit me when you give me an idea you oh I do have an idea for a New JL fic!

HJ: *throws a few kernels at the Demoness* Hush it's getting good!

DSP: Wait, are they showing Clair the new young Vampire? Cute creepy man. *Drools* Ahem, Thank you so much for the reviews it's because of you all I can do this and get better at it. Now on with the show.

My Funny Valentimes 

Sitting causally on a bench placed on the outskirts of Gotham city's most visited park, a pair of eyes watched from underneath the shadow cast by the bill of a deep gray mao-cap as everyone so in love with one another stepped joyfully by oblivious to everything else but love. 

Sighing deeply she leaned back resting her head draped against the bench's back, her face downcast in a look of total indifference and slight boredom. Ah Valentimes day. Lmour is in the air like two week old ranched milk. Young lovers, unaware of what trials and tribulations awaits them in the years to come, pledge vows of love carelessly through little expensive trinkets and unoriginal poetryWe should rob them.

The hand slipped from the bench to her shoulders drawing her closer to the strong body seated silently beside her. Out of habit her body relaxed, succumbing to the tender sign of affection; she sighed deeply inhaling the strong earthly smell that was his natural odor that she had come to adore. I take it you are not all that fond of Valentines Day. His deep voice rumbled from his chest.

Stretching out she pushed stray strands of curly red hair from her February winter chilled cheek. And why should I be? Originally V-day was a pagan holiday for fertility then later on the same day these two guys both by the name of Valentine gets killed for some reason or nother dealin' with marriage. One had a thing for the prison warren's daughter and sent letters to her signin' them your Valentine'. All in all it's just a day Hallmark shamelessly profits on when two poor guys were martyred.

Chris smirked wrapping his arms tightly around his partner drawing in the heat radiating from her body, his own green skin dry and near numb from the cold breezes blowing against him. Is this the result of years of never getting valentines of your own? He questioned.

For a moment Harley remained silent before letting out a breath of air in a small cloud of condensation. Yes, I deserved something more than those chalky candy hearts that once in a while had an anti-love message to them, one of the few things I adore about the day. But what bout you? Ya can't like it much, I mean think of all the poor prefect red roses and the other flowers bein' cut and sold only to wilt away in an ironic symbol of some people's love.

Are you saying you want to ruin Valentines Day, Harley? He asked with slight surprise. I'm sure your mentor would be ashamed of you.

Oh no, I adore the day. It's just sowell just look at them! She cried pointing to a couple in a horse and carriage the female looking onto her lover with large doe-like eyes as he cuddled close to her speaking sweet nothings. I wanna hit them in the back of their heads with my baseball bat and knock some sense into them! I see romanticism not love.

So you do not like romanticism?

No, you ain't listenin' to me. I rather like it. As long as you are in real love. Remember last year when that guy got his girlfriend off from work lookin' her absolute worse, brought her to the ballroom of Gotham Plaza in a carriage, and proposed saying that no matter what she would always be a queen in his eyes? Now that was romantic, expensive as hell, but still romantic.

You evaded my earlier question.

I know. Only because I already did something to make the day of love a little more

Brown eyes that could be easily described as soul searing glanced sideways catching a small peek of the man beside her. You recall those limited Talking Teddies the special occasion shop was selling?

Yes. There were about one hundred and fifty made so that they could be sold at a high price. Christopher stated dryly. What did you do?

Well look out for trouble with them in the news. She giggled at her malicious Valentines Day surprise for Gotham inhabitants.

Unable to stand the sight of love struck peoples Harley stood letting the remaining brick hard crust of her city styled pizza fall onto the ground. Some stray animal would be happy for the small bite to eat.

Stretching out slightly she looked back onto the slouching man covered in a large black trench coat still sitting down. She turned placing her gloved hands over her shapely hips, I hope your butt ain't frozen to the bench, Red, I dont have my camera on me today.

The green bottom lip protruded slightly in a small pout, I'm just a little disappointed, Harl.

Disappointed? At what? She asked leaning over so that their faces were slightly leveled, green eyes staring into brown. 

The pout trembled into a small smirk with the vicinity of there faces, You didn't get me any surprise for Valentines. He whined mocking his girlfriend's playful habits perfectly.

Nimble fingers reach out onto the stray tresses of braided garnet hair spilling from beneath a black mock cowboy hat, curling the braided strands of his shoulder length hair around her index fingers she drew her hands towards her smiling when his face followed with the gentle tug bringing his chapped lips onto hers. 

One thing loved most about her was that she knew what a pleasure it was to have her fingers touch through his hair. Primal instincts he usually denied possessing drew his hands to rest on her hips deepening their kiss. 

Slowly parting from him a wicked smile played over her kissable lips, Who said I didn't have a present for ya?

Chris chuckled softly in his throat as his pink tongue dashed over the curve of his lip, taut with lack of moisture. Strawberry lip balm, I think I liked the tropical blend better. Smirking he slouched back farther into his recline.

With her smaller hands wrapped around his wrist she pulled him onto his feet. Babe, you've been round me too long.

With arms draped lazily about each other's waist, silently stating their possessiveness and all too quick to tighten should someone eye their lover, the renowned criminals walked homewards their identity easily hidden among the many faces.

While walking with his hand buried deep into the far side pocket of his girlfriend's coat seeping in her body warmth he smirked looking about the love-struck peoples. Nearly everyone just went to the store knowing which Valentines oriented toy, clothing, or jewelry would please their loved one, bought it then left with their mission completed and their necks saved until the next commercialized holiday came about. Millions of perfect red roses were cut and many others, one great draw back to the lovely day. But for him it was different, for him it was far more difficult. He chuckled tightened his hold on her until her head came to rest against his shoulder as the memory of the day before ran through his mind.

_*Flashback*_

The day just before Valentines Day, the malls and all of the stores bore the same decorations of pink and white frills, chubby child faced Cupids baring their arrows of love, and many shades of red hearts. The usual music of undying love both successful and tragic played in low tones on the speakers set about the each available corner.

Nearly everyone walked about with panicked looks about their faces as they fought against the last minute rush to buy that special gift for the one the harbored great feelings for. Save those few souls who either was wise enough to shop early or did not have that significant other and was merely looking about the stores enjoying the scene of frantic shoppers imitate freshly decapitated chickens.

Christopher Isley, on the other hand, walked on in a hunched over fashion his hands shoved deep into his pockets so not to unwittingly touch the flesh toned makeup he had plastered across his face or anyone else. He had to keep moving before his bodily toxins took effect on the people he deemed worthless, it was not for their health that he worried but more for his own discretion and pulling off his half baked plan.

He recalled the mid morning as he walked out of the bedroom dressed in his _human_ garb, kissed the temple of a surprised Harley, who stared at him with a slice of buttered toast hanging out of her mouth, and with an omission excuse left the house. 

An opaque glass bottle appeared in his line of sight drawing his attention back to reality. 

Hi handsome, how about some Wild Heart perfume for that special someone in your life? A sweet faced saleswoman asked in a honeyed voice laced with practiced seduction. 

She batted her long blonde lashes while holding up the small bottle no bigger than her thumb. He observed as her finger poised to press down on the nozzle. In no mood to have the poisonous manufactured concoction follow him for the rest of the day lest Harley should come to know of his whereabouts he sneered through his teeth firmly pushing her to the size. 

Why I never! Most not have anyone with **that** attitude. She scoffed.

Chris ignored her walking on in search for the gift that would most definitely bring that wide smile onto his lover's face. 

He didn't wish to buy into the love commercialized holiday, it was one of the few things scared in the world and yet it had long ago been adulterated by greeting card companies and greedy money-mongers. But he could not go through the day of love without giving something onto the woman whose mentor considered herself the Cupid of Crime.

The first store to have caught his attention with the potential of containing something that would make a great gift was Victoria's Secret. 

Some secret. Stepping within the candy cane color coordinated store he looked about suddenly feeling as though he had overstepped his bounds. A single manin a store full of women's undergarments, regardless of his attitude and reasons for being within the lingerie shop he could not help but feel all eyes were on him marring him a pervert.

I can hear mother right now.' He thought to himself wondering if by chance he could slowly back out without drawing father attention towards himself.

Is seemed the fates had just about the same sense of humor as his girlfriend. Just as he was to the large entrance a saleswoman, somewhat short but lovely in appearance caught sight of him. Are you looking for a present? She asked a large voice coming from her small figure.

If it werent for his disguising makeup he had no doubts that his entire face would have matched with his ripening tomatoes. Um yes, Im looking for somethingfor my girl friend. He quickly added.

Oh how sweet. How long have the two of you been together? She questioned.

It did not take him long to answer, Three years this May. 

Her hazel brown eyes nearly popped out of her head at his answer. Three years! No doubt half of the mall heard. Shouldn't you two be engaged by now?

Chris felt somewhat shocked that in the little time he had been talking with the saleswoman she had looked him over taking in every single detail, even his marital status. Oh we're not- I mean she's not- well you see- UmI'm not sure why. He stuttered.

Okay honey; let's see if we could help you. Are you looking for something to spice up the night?

He snorted his laughter, Believe me we have enough spice in our night life. He smiled thinking of their night job. 

The saleswoman smirked, her eyes flashing with amusement at his comment thinking something entirely different of his answer. Something simple then? What size does she wear? 

Size? Um

Wait, you've been with her for almost three whole years and you don't know her size?

No she's a medium, with nice curves at her hips. You don't know the type of person she is. She's a depending on the weather type of dresser. He explained. When she does wear something to sleep all the things I have seen her dress in is an old Yankee's baseball jersey, a tank top, and sometimes men's satin boxers.

She smiled nodded her head. The casual type.

No she's far from casual. You should see some of the outfits she wears. He chuckled in memory. 

Now I see why the two of you aren't married. She sighed, Can you at least tell me the type of material she likes to wear?

Lace, satin, mesh, net, silk, and cotton.

Umm I think I know just the thing. She turned onto a rack picking out a snow white nearly transparent number he did not know existed. He could image his Harl dressed in it, the hem just reaching below her rounded buttocks. Was all he could say.

This is our new dotted mesh baby doll nightwear. It is nicely casual yet gives just that sexy little look the both of you can enjoy.

Touching the fine fabric he thought again of his girlfriend, perhaps in a red oneholding her gun. No that was more of a gift for him, meant only for him to see his Harley in, but given who Harley was there was no doubt she would wear the scantly underwear during one of their jobs. 

A small wave of possessiveness passed over him with this knowledge, the outfit was definitely out. 

Maybe something in leather or black lace? She asked him.

Drifting off into that simple stage of unconsciousness he began to image what she would look like in something of the sort. The first thing to pop into mind was the mental image of an anime-isque insane looking Harl dressed in the skimpy undergarments flogging him mercilessly with a whip. I'll teach you to get me underwear! Who's your mommy now? Hahaha! Who's your mommy?!'

Shaking his head briskly from side to side he backed away heading quickly out the door. Um, I think I should look around a bit more.

The torments he was placing onto himself just for her. Spending hours in the heavily crowded place was not the day the antisocial man had planed. It felt claustrophobic the large crowds of peoples rushing here and there just to get nowhere quickly, he was a plant, too many others around meant to struggle, to struggle for air, for light, for food, a cruel game of survival of the fittest staged in a local mall. 

It didn't really help that he didn't like people either. His eyes drifted over the hoards of mammals stampeding about, catching sight of a woman shamelessly eyeing him. In his opinion most people were selfish creatures, thoughtless and wasteful. Just thinking about all those acres of rainforest lands lost made him want to cover the enclosed shopping mall with his vegetation. The only person he liked was Harley, her friends she usually visitedthey were tolerable.

Walking on with his face half hidden behind the up turned collar of his coat he eyes each store sneering at them for having just the opposite of what he needed. Build a teddy? He wondered aloud drawing curious glances from ideal by passers. No, she'd find a way to turn it into a bomb and blow me up for getting such a gift. With a sigh he walked on leaving behind a few confused mall goers.

Each store he passed he questioned possibilities and with each found the probable gifts useless for her. The chocolate shop, true if he gave her chocolates, she was happy but aloof in a blissful euphoric world until the sweets were gone. That idea was out; he rather enjoyed having her to himself. 

Jewelryshe didn't really wear jewelry being the greasemonkey that she was. Motor oil and diamonds do not mix. He grumbled in a defeated tone.

Cookwarehis mother appeared before his eyes pacing back in forth ranting on sexist stereotypes and chauvinistic efforts to put the independent woman back into the kitchen. A hole will have to rust through the pots first. He shuddered in dreadful memory. 

His will to go on with the day had slowly deteriorated with each unsuccessful attempt to find some menial little token of affection. Just as he felt all was for not when a sign plastered atop a large booth caught his eyes. Thank you. He said up onto the great forces above him. 

Stopping in front of a booth he leaned against the table. A large man with thinning orange hair and towing a bulging beer gut turned to address him. Welcome to Customer Service, I'm Moshe, how can I help you?

You seem like a sensible mammal; perhaps you can help me with my problem. I don't know what to get my girlfriend for Valentines. He huffed out his frustrations allowing his South American accent to slip through. 

Sir, this isn't what the costumer service desk is for. The man stated. 

I know, but I need some advice as to what to get a woman who doesn't act like most women, who can shoot your legs from beneath you, and who can withhold allum intimate activities for weeks on end? He asked. 

Ooh-kay. You need to clear your head of all the feminine wilds going about. Go to Sears and look at some of the tools and whatnot for awhile breathe in that masculine air then try again.

Wait? That's it! Thanks. He cried running off as quickly as he could. 

*_End_ _flashback*_

Stepping out of the banner outsides of the frozen city it was a welcoming sight to be bombarded with lush greens of exotic plants, the sweet musk of their alluring scent heavy in the humid greenhouse like air. The second they had entered their firehouse turned home Harley threw off her coat tossing it carelessly in the corner to be forgotten. Red, put the casserole in the oven then take a seat on the couch while I go change! She shouted running quickly up the stairs with an edger hyena nipping playfully at her heels.

Sitting on the navy velvet couch as commanded a thousand and one questions raced through his mind. Did she see it already? What if it isn't something she'd like? Of course she'd like it butwhat if she doesn't? Filling nothing would ease the anxiety he found solace in the form of television. 

total recall due to profane phrases. Again today the few recipients of the limited Valentines Talking Teddies made a horrible discovery when they compressed the trigger many of vulgar and profound statements spewed from the sound chips.

Happy Valentimes day! Harley shouted pouncing down on the couch next to him. 

Smiling at her genuine merriment he pulled her towards him for a small peck on the lips. You made the talking teddy bears say bad things. He stated. 

Her eyes falling open with surprise her pigtailed head snapped towards the television. They already reported on the toys? Man I thought it was going to report tomorrow morning! She pouted, Now I have to wait for the ten o'clock repeat.

He ran his rough hand over the exposed thigh spilling from a pair of cut off jean shorts. She had yet to adjust fully to living in a greenhouse. Maybe by then they'll have something more to report. Now I have-

Me first! Harley shouted placing a parcel wrapped in burlap cloth on the cushion between them. She slowly opened the package pulling away the rough clothe fold by fold, I got these for you.

He looked down at the small palm sized glass case centered in all of the wrapping, inside were at least eight raisin sized yellow seeds with small brown blotches. No way. He stated his mouth going slack. 

She smirked nodding her head sheepishly. Yeah, the ultra rare Jupiter flower-thingy seeds, of is it Venus? I dont know its named after a planet. They were going to be on display uptown but I figured you would do a hell of a lot better job with these than everyone else just letting them sit in that case all day.

A large smile slowly spread across his lips stretching from ear to ear as he took in the gift she had bestowed upon him in her token of love, You are He complimented bringing her towards him until she was comfortably straddling his lap. 

Harley's lips curled into a mischievous grin as the flats of her lover's palms pressed her towards him closing what little space existed between the pair. She chuckled slightly, a sound that came out a soft purr, before closing the space between them so that his soft lips were massaged by her own. 

She loved the slight tingle she felt from his body toxins when their lips met, she could never get enough of it, she could never really get enough of him Her hands found their rest on his strong jaw line spreading out so that her fingers brushed just ever-so lightly against his hair in the back of his head.

Relaxing into the well known flow of things Chris trailed his hands from the curve of her back to rest contently on her shapely hips deepening the kiss. As much as he didn't wish to he pulled away before things got out of hand. I got a gift for you also. He managed through labored breathes. 

The confused look donning Harley's face made him snicker as he stood leading her into the garage built to fit two full sized emergency fire trucks. Motioning for her to stay in her place he traveled within one of the deep closets, I looked all over Gotham trying to figure out what to get you. And well here it is.

Backing out of the closet he carefully pulled along with him a bright cherry red Craftsman eight drawer roll away tool tower.

You got me a new tool tower? She asked clapping her hands while bouncing on her toes with glee.

Yeah, do you like it? He asked his accent once again slipping. 

Before he had time to let further insecurity settle in she squealed jumping into his arms so that her legs could wrap easily around his midsection. Her lips smashed roughly against his own in a fierce kiss of passion and devotion. OH I love it! I love you! She cried emphasizing her words with quick sloppy kisses planted all over his face. But you know you didn't have to get me anything.

So if I didn't have to get you anything that means I can take the Craftsman back and get a refund?

She giggled sweetly tapping his nose with the tip of her finger with affection. In a cutesy sing-song voice she squeaked, You touch that tool tower and I'll break your damn arms in three separate places. 

End Funny Valentimes 

DSP *Looking over her work* Hmm...not very fond of this. I could have done much better albeit void of action.

NS *Storms in*: Wait, wait, wait one moment. Why am I being targeted lately?

DSP: What do you mean?

NS: Last time I was this huge plant destroying the city.

HJ *Looks away from Heat Guy J*: A Godzilla knock off, if you ask me.

NS: And you made me eat meat! 

DSP: It was just a few people, besides you weren't thinking rationally at the time.

HJ: Thank goodness that's over; we need at least one rational thinker in our relationship. 

NS: Then you had me running around a mall looking for a Valentines gift when Valentines is over!

DSP: To answer your questions, one I am seriously slack! Two I do it because I can dammit! We need to get more of your POV on things so just accept it! You are my bitches, I am your mistress, you will do as I say and give into my whims!

NS *He and Harley slowly back out of the room.*: Don't make any sudden movements; we don't want to get her attention.

HJ: Every man for himself! *Runs out of the room*


	5. Reality

Dreams: Subchapter 1

It's the small things in life that makes it worth living. For instance, just lying in his bed with his arm wrapped ever so protectively around the love of his life. His garnet red hair, now grown long, loose and spread out like a thin blanket over her chest, his head resting at total ease on her breast. From the constant pa-poom, pa-poom of her beating heart he knew she too was awake just laying there in a languid manner. She felt just as he did, it was too nice to get up just yet. It was just too good to awaken onto reality and recall that they were wanted criminals, that they were the people that they were, hearts tinted by their sins, and hands stained with blood.

This was too good, people like them rarely got such peaceful moments, hell he didn't even believe villains such as they deserved such peace and happiness sometimes. At least that's what common belief was, bad guys had to have it rough in repercussions for their wrong doings, but they were far from that. They were in self-made paradise.

Something cool pressed against his dangling hand nudging him to arise onto the new day a little earlier than he had planned. Erik, go away. He muttered pulling his hand back beneath the ultra thin covers. He slowly inhaled taking in the sweet spicy smell of Harley along with the scents of his precious plants. But wait there was a foreign scent mixed in with the rest, a cool and salty scent that reminded him of the beach.

Came a tired moan from above his head. 

He wrapped his arms around her midsection indulging in the moment for as long as he could. He's your pet. He muttered onto her.

The whine came before the words, But you promised. 

He buried his nose into the silken fabric between her breasts enjoying the smooth feel of it against his skin. What did I promise? 

From down the hall a small cry could be heard elevating slowly into a low toned wail. You promised me that if I took care of your baby from dusk to dawn you would walk mine. Harley said crawling from beneath him.

He asked sitting up allowing her freedom from beneath his weight.

He watched as Harley wrapped his favorite purple bath robe slackly around her nearly bare body, he was tempted to reach out and bring her back to bed but the leash landing on the bed atop his lap told him otherwise. Now hurry up or you'll be mopping up piss again.

Yawning he stretched out his muscles fighting the urge to lay back down in the warm oblivion that was their bed and sleep another hour, it was at that moment his yawn was caught short in his mouth when he looked out the window that wasn't usually there at the clear blue skies.

_Clear blue_ skies? That wasn't right. Wait where were the large dull colored buildings blocking the view? Where was the everyday din of Gotham city? Where was that slightly polluted stench of the city he had become accustomed to? Where were the fat lazy pigeons cooing at the window his carnivorous plants took joy in consuming? 

It was so bright and clean, outside, the noise wasn't a loud clamor of car horns, radios, and people shouting but a pleasant comforting commotion. Something he had only thought as a myth after living in the dreary city for so many years. 

Where am I?' He wondered looking about the room he had no recollection of ever being in. It was his bedroom, he knew that for a fact from the many plants overtaking the walls, but it was larger than their fixed up firehouse of a home. Chris was about to get up and take a look for himself when the hyena jumped onto the queen sized four poster bed and looked him directly in his eyes growling lightly.

I get it; I get it, walk you or get mauled. He muttered reaching out for the leash then hooked it onto the impatient hyena's collar. His stopped when a flash of white gold caught his green eyes, on his finger was a lovely but ordinary wedding ring. 

Married? Him? And to who? Harley? Was she wearing a ring? When did this happen? His questions were drawn short when Erik gave a yelp announcing loudly he was more than prepared to go. 

Dressed in some discarded sweat pants and stained wife beater Chris allowed the anxious hyena to pull him through the spacious apartment to the exit down the stairwell.

Of all the things Chris had imagined his future home like nothing could compare to what he was seeing. They lived in such a beautiful town, the buildings weren't dark and high like those of Gotham, they were lovely with their many colors, and at most the buildings were six floors high, though built close to together. In the distance he could see the green-blue sea stretch out over the horizon. Seagulls cried in the clear skies above moving from building to building in search of scraps of food or settling down to preach lazily on the roofs. He barely had time to look at the stores most of the apartments were built atop of as the edger hyena pulled him along the way.

Ah Christopher, how nice to see you. A husky elderly woman called as she prepared her produce stand before a small grocery market for the days shoppers.

He timidly waved to her with an amiable smile though he had not the faintest idea as to who she was and why she spoke so calmly to the crook. She tied a lovely ruby colored scarf over her beautiful crinkled silver hair that shined in the bright morning light. You look well rested this morning, is the little miss sleeping all night now? She asked with a smile.

He didn't know what she was implying, and the little gleam behind her lively hazel eyes made him wonder exactly what it was that she was hinting towards. Oh not just yet. He said in a playful tone Harley was prone to use when hinting towards certain events, if it had to deal with his personal _married_ life then he would think that his wife was being allowed much sleep.

The woman laughed picking two of the bigger tangerines from the pile and tossing it to him. Tell the wife I said Hello' and to come by sometime.

I will. He said looking down at the fruit in his hands. And thank you. 

It wasn't long after that Erik had finished his business and had lead the way back home to their lovely blue and white apartment built just atop a bakery shop.

He called releasing the hyena that scrambled quickly into the kitchen in hopes of finding some food. 

In here, Harley's musical voice called from down the plant covered hallway. We're having breakfast. 

He traveled down the long hallway touching his hands against the many lush leaves of his darling plants as he made his way to the doorway. He looked into the brightly painted room and stopped as he felt his heart skip a beat and his breathing halt in his own throat. 

There in the room seated in a large rocking arm chair was Harley with her legs crossed beneath her, and in her arms suckling on her nipple was a baby. 

He braced himself against the door's frame trying to put together what he had gathered so far: He was married, married to Harley. His green eyes stole a quick glance at her left hand falling on the wedding ring on her finger that matched perfectly with his. Yep, happily marriedwith a baby. 

Good morning, daddy. Harley said looking up from their child up to him. Oh ya saw Ms. Cobb this morning, how is she? 

He looked down at the tangerines in his hands and stuttered. Oh she is fine, just fine. She says hello. He muttered walking up towards her.

He felt speechless looking onto the flesh and blood that was his own creation. Still a bit fat but yet so small, her eyes were shut but the subtle movement from her lips he knew she was awake and feeding.

Amazin' ain't she? Harley's loving voice full of wonder brought him out of his stupor to see that she was looking down on the child as well. With a laugh she removed her nipple from the child's mouth and covered herself with the borrowed robe. Each time I see her I can't help but think that. Each time I have to touch her to prove that _this_ is all real. Here you burp her while I go take a shower. With that said he found himself seated in the chair with the babe in his arms, a ghost of a kiss lingering on his unresponsive lips, and staring at the empty doorframe wondering what the hell had just happened.

Chris felt awkward holding the child; he must have done it a hundred times before since her birth but it felt like the first for him. In fact everything seemed so new to him. New home in a new town with a wife and daughter. He didn't remember any of this happening; in fact the only thing that he did remember was Harley nagging that they needed better security at their house and going out with her to steal it. But how long ago was that? 

His daughter's body jerked slightly finally releasing her burp along with a little spit up. Tenderly wiping the creamy colored substance away with a baby wipe from the nearby container he looked her over affectionately. Skin the color of the elm tree's bark and near auburn colored down crowning her round head. How did he have a child, when he was suppose to be barren, thanks to his biological change that rewarded him with his green skin and influence on plant life? But yet, there she was, in his arms.

Her large eyes opened staring up at him with their beautiful brown depths, much like her mother's, but the sparks of green showed who the father was. He wasn't aware that he had stopped breathing until the slight dizziness kicked in.

After a long while of just sitting there stocked with amazement Chris smiled running his finger over her ultra-soft cheek. M-my little girl. He whispered.

Correction, _our_ little girl. Our little Cayenne Isabella Isley. Harley said from the doorway with a towel wrapped around her dry midsection. 

He said in a soft tone, testing her name for himself. I say she looks more like an Iris.

Harley pursed her lips as she folded her arms over her bare chest. Hey we agreed that since I went through nine months of towing her and 12 hours of labor I won the argument of her name. And I wasn't about to name my baby after some prissy flower. Besides I like cayenne peppers.

He wanted to laugh; his Harley was the mother to his child and still acting her old stubborn and carefree self. Ok, ok, but when she gets older I'll bring it up to her for her to decide.

She rolled her lovely brown eyes before turning away to leave him be. Stop playin' around and make my breakfast already, I want to eat something when I get out of the shower.

I don't recall breakfast being apart of our deal. He stated getting up and heading into the area he had seen to be their living room. In fact I don't recall anything.'

With Cayenne asleep in her pin Chris went through the simple pains of preparing an all-star breakfast, looking within the cupboard he chuckled at seeing the top shelf aligned with colorful sweetened cereal boxes. Knowing Harley, her idea of breakfast was about three bowls of Fruit Loops, something he could not stand for.

By the time Harley made it into the kitchen dressed in simple jeans and a shirt with her hands braiding her last pigtail she paused eyeing the pancakes, grits, biscuits accompanied with jam, and fried apples topped off with a tall glass of juice. Whoa big spread. Wait is your mother comin' to visit this week and ya didn't tell me She asked her eyes narrowing murderously on his body. 

Chris laughed gently placing his hands to her shoulders and sitting her down at the table. No, mom's still in South America doing what she does best. He kissed an area of exposed skin on her neck. This is just for us because I think you need to eat healthier.

Hey, a cup of orange soda and two bowls of Post Cocoa Pebbles cereal is healthy enough for me! She protested picking up her fork and pointing it at him as he took his seat. 

He gave her a disappointed look of disbelief. 

'Ey it was better than when I was inhalin' a sheet of Oreos dipped in creamy peanut butter each day while I was pregnant. Wait, I actually liked that. She laughed digging into her food. 

The morning slowly drifted by as they ate together then retired into the living room to lay on the floor with the resting baby talking in soft voices about trivial things as they always did in Gotham. 

Harley pulled the TV Guide from the table and sat it down between them. Ok, let's see if we can actually do the crossword today.

Chris laughed, You and your habit of puzzles, it's a wonder you wasn't the Riddler Jr. or something like that. He teased only to be rewarded with a loving yet hard punch in his shoulder. 

Just do the puzzle laughin' boy. Harley warned trying to restrain the laughter in her voice. Alright I work on across you go Down.

His nodded taking a pen in his hand before looking onto the first clue. 

Sitar Atlas Ernest' 

What sort of clue was that? He skipped down onto the next finding the chose of words just as confusing. Something definitely wasn't right, maybe Harley was playing a trick on him. 

He looked over onto her clues to see they were just as funky as his own yet she had managed to put down an answer in a few blocks.   
Harley, help me out with four down. He said pointing to the words Thigh high mobile raspberry cellular airways'.

Harley laughed. Oh that's easy; her name on that show was Pinky. You should know, you watched that program almost religiously when it aired last year.

He filled the answer in careful not to look onto her. I thought it was talking about that Tears of Tomorrow movie.

Harley's eyes looked onto him with concern her naturally arched brows coming together completing her face of worry. He knew she was about to voice his peculiar behavior but had no desires to tell her just yet that he had no memories of anything but Gotham city. He loved and trusted her, but he wanted to be sure before telling her such disturbing news. 

She was just about to speak when Cayenne began to cry as a foul smile drifting from her diaper. I've got it this time. He said quickly taking her into his arms and heading into the nursery thankful for the quick escape.

Harley's voice rang from the living room. Hon, I'm gonna go out for a tick to get a few things for dinner. Love you, be back in soon.

He listened as the door opened and closed again. Cayenne, daddy's really screwed up. Did mommy convince me to go dancing with her again and I drunk myself stupid? The half naked baby only stared at him before letting loose a stream of urine targeted on his shirt. 

By the time the clock in the hallway struck two PM Chris had searched throughout the apartment looking at photos of moments he had no recollection of but seemed so happy in. He was sitting on the foot of the bed two photo albums resting at his side when he heard the door open and the sing-song voice of his wife announcing her return. It wasn't long before she stepped foot into the bedroom and gave him a soft kiss on his lips. Miss me? She asked joking.

Yeah, I was considering taking up another woman you were gone so long. He teased before looking back down at his organizer/journal which seemed to answer most of his questions somewhat conveniently.

Harl, I want to get my calendar right for surprise anniversaries, and I mean surprise as in if I do forget I'll be sleeping on the couch for a week. He said looking down on the faux red leather one year planner in his green hand. 

Harley took off her over shirt letting it fall carelessly onto the floor near the hamper. Oh, you haven't forgotten anything important, like when we met. She tested.

April 28, good try. I mean things like when was our last heist? He asked testing her.

Our last heist? Oh we haven't done anything like that since.well since we moved from Gotham. She laughed taking a seat on the bed beside him. Strawberry cheesecake, ya sure ya're alright?

Yes, Harl, it's just sometimes it's so hard to believe that this is real, that this is our life.

Ya need to take a nap, you're green as it is but now ya're actin' the part. She said letting her worry show in her voice.

The baby monitor alerted them that their daughter was restless by transmitting soft sounds that were steadily growing into cries. Instinctively Harley arose and vanished from the room to tend to her daughter. 

Shush shush. Aw there we go, did something wake you up? Her soft voice asked in a loving non-baby talk tone over the monitor's small but effective speakers. C'mon lets go to daddy, I think he's losing his mind.

Chris laughed as the two lights of his life appeared once again in the bed room. Talkin' about me behind my back, aw I'm hurt. He teased falling over dramatically onto the bed.

Harley simply rolled her eyes at this childish antics, I can't wait until she's a toddler; I swear I'm developing a phobia to her cries. She said laying Cayenne to rest in the portable baby bed near their bedside. Oh looking at the pictures?

Yeah, re-evaluating my favorites. He said holding out two photos, one of him and a pregnant Harley lay down on the couch. And the other of him and newborn Cayenne in his arms for the first time, his face a mixture of happiness, pride, fear, and thousands of other emotions one usually did not experience in the same instant.

Harley squealed trying to snatch the pictures away. Not my pregnant pictures! Oh I dont want to see those ever again.

The pregnancy wasn't so bad. He said hoping that what he said was somewhat true, either way with the playful tone he used he wouldnt sound as clueless as he really was. His eyes drifted onto her instantly causing him to winch, she looked at him with a dark blatant glare as if trying to burn a hole into his head, Ok maybe not. He chuckled as she punched him not so playfully in his shoulder.

You're only saying that because you didn't have to go through it. I was always stuffing my face and you only let me have one serving of meat every other day, I looked like a beached whale, and I swear Cayenne was doing cartwheels in my womb. She pointed an accusing finger at the baby.

He looked from her to the photo; she was laid down on the couch with her swollen stomach bare. He couldn't help but smile at the cute little way her bellybutton pouted. He was in the photo with her, sitting behind her with his hand rubbing over her stomach affectionately.

I think you found me sexier when I was pregnant, you never stopped touching me. She accused.

He stood onto his feet approaching the woman who was his mate. You were, and still remind, my wife and pregnant with **my** baby. All the things in the world that's all I've ever wanted. He said wrapping his arms around her resting his head down against her shoulder. Besides, I still can't keep my hands off you.

Thinking lightly he sunk down against the wall, his life, for the lack of better words, was perfect. He was married, he had a family, and he had everything he could ever ask for. Everything was absolutelywrong. It was wrong because it was perfect and for it to be perfect it had to be wrong. 

What had happened that night so long ago? What was the last thing he could recall? 

Walking into the building, a scream, a flash of light, then this. No, that wasn't it. There was something else, something, no, someone orange andit was gone. He cursed as the memory slipped away going back into the dark recesses of his subconscious.

He opened his eyes to see the walls before him a transparent shade of green. What's going on?

Stubborn aren't we? The words came onto him heavily distorted and slow, like some booming voice belonging to a bodiless being in a dream. 

For a moment he felt weightless and sweetly intoxicated a feeling usually experienced in a splendid dream.

A short cry from the living room brought him onto his feet and running. 

What the? He looked up at the high ceiling staring at his girlfriend, no wife, holding onto the rafter for dear life beneath her feet laid the collapsed ladder.

I told you that damn thing was defective. She whimpered kicking her dangling legs. Now help me down. 

Crossing his arms over his chest he leaned against the wall, C'mon you can get down yourself.

Harley whined, If you haven't noticed I've been out of practice ever since we left Gotham and I had Cayenne. Now help me before I- Too late her hands slipped and her body began to fall the short distance to the floor. 

Out of reflexes Chris ran to her aid catching her falling form before she could hit bottom. 

Wrapping her arms around his strong neck she sighed dramatically, My hero. She said in all seriousness.

Sitting Harley down onto her feet he watched as she turned on the light satisfied to see the small glass globe covering the bulb glow. It was then that he knew, much to his displeasure, that it wasn't real.

Night had come soon after and dinner was prepared and eaten with joy. Placing his daughter into her crib for the night he looked down upon her the longing and pain visible in his green eyes. 

If things go right between your mom and me and everything else goes alright then I hope I see you again someday. I'll even try to give this to you. But you don't really need this, the only things you will need is me and your mom. Yeah your mother, she's an amazing woman when she wants to be. Smart, strong, creative, and caring. You know she learned how to operate a stick shift from watching television? She cant drive all that well but shes pretty good on a bike. Oh when you meet the real Harley, you wouldnt be prouder to have her as a mother. Letting out a deep breath he kissed his daughter tenderly atop her brow watching as her large eyes focused onto him before slowly drifting close, See you later.

Standing on the small balcony of their apartment home Chris looked out onto the night amazed at how quiet and peaceful it was. He could hear everything there was to hear, even the approach of his lover from behind him. Perfect isn't it? He asked as Harley hugged him dearly around his neck. 

She purred contently. Like a dream.

Just like at dream. He said, with a dip he pitched her over his shoulder and over the balcony rail. 

Out of instincts she deemed dulled her hand flew out to grasp hold of the cold iron railing flaking of its brick colored paint. Reaching out with one hand she looked up onto him in desperation, Red! Red, help me! Harley cried as her hand began to slip on the rail.

Frowning down upon her he reached down taking hold of the sliding hand removing her so that she hung suspended by his grip alone. 

But I can't live in a dream, Harl. With that he released her watching as her eyes wide with neither shock nor fear stared blankly into his own as her body descended the four stories down onto the cobblestone walk of the alleyway. When her body crashed down the ground about her cracked like glass the spider web-like cracks slowly ascended up onto the near buildings and up into the empty air itself, the shards falling away revealing a bright green glow surrounding him.

"No, no, how can this be?" A voice asked frantically to no one.

Bit by bit the green grew until the dream was gone and the light faded revealing a man dressed in an orange and black swirling uniform standing behind a large computer panel working in vain to stop his awakening.

Removing himself from the plat form he stepped onto solid grounds, ignoring the small waves of nausea. 

Spellbinder, nice to meet you. Nightshade stated smiling curtly balling his hands ready to inflict pain on the mammal who dared challenge the deadly Nightshade.

TBC

DSP *looking over her work*: I really need to extend my vocabulary. Anyhow next time it's Harley's turn.

HJ: Um there's some people here about a Justice League fic position...

DSP: They weren't suppose to come until later, much much later, like when I had a chance to watch a few more JL episodes. Well tell them to wait in the...um-

HJ: Dungeon?

DSP: No that's full.

HJ: Study?

DSP: Do we even have one?

HJ: The flying purple monkey room?

DSP: NO! Put them in the longue. Ok now like I was saying next time we see Harley's dream.


	6. Reality: Final

In a dark and desolate room lit dimly by the over head lights whose bulbs flickered between life and darkness, accompanied by an eerie green glow two men stood in silence facing one another.

With the glow silhouetting his body Nightshade looked to be a madman bent on the disembowelment of the man dressed in a vortex of orange and black. I think you will make the perfect fertilizer for my roses. He commented prepared to test the fancy of a cruel imagination.

Spellbinder cried holding his hand out as if it could truly keep the man at bay. If you want to save your little girl friend then you wouldn't want to do that. 

Nightshade froze in his steps before a smirk played across his lips. What do you mean? All I have to do is pull the plug.

Though the mask he wore bared no face, the sense of smugness radiating from him could have been detected by the blind. You can't just unplug her, that would be just too simple. If you were to just go and pull the plug it would be like taking the oxygen from a deep sea diver. Actually more like taking the life support system of a patient. Pulling her from that world will send her crashing into reality in a way that would damage her mind.

Within seconds Nightshade had crossed the room and held the man by the collar of his costume. Then **you** pull her out of it. He growled through his teeth.

_I_ can't. He said in his defense. She's so far gone into her dream she doesn't want to come back. She has to be convinced to pull out.

And what is her dream?

Whatever it is that she most desires. Which makes me wonder, what made you come out of the place of your hearts desires? What, in a world deemed prefect by your heart, made you leave it?

Harl. I only want the real thing not some duplicate. Now plug me into her world or- He placed a small seed against the back of his neck. The seed burst open exploding with vines that wrapped loosely around the surprised Spellbinder's neck. This will close around your neck, pulling tighter and tighter until it pops your head like a zit.

Spellbinder stood frozen as the information seeped in, Can do.

~*~

The world beyond closed eye lids was nothing more than the glow of pink created by the bright light of morning and the blood vessels of her eyes. There was a certain contentment in just laying for the moment with no worries, reality held at bay by the thin cover of flesh. But then again wasn't reality was what a person made of it. 

The small ticking of the clock posted on the bedside table was aided by the loud grinding of the morning garbage pick up crew drawing her farther away from the pleasantries of a dream-like rest. 

Aaaa! Yeah! C'mon baby wake up! Come and dance with me! Aaaa! Yeah! C'mon baby wake up! Come and dance with me! 

Startled out of her rest the thin stripped blanket was pitched from her body by the sudden jolt upwards. Um, it's too early. She growled slamming her fist down upon the head of a cartoon like chicken grasping a guitar.

Snatching the clock into her clutches she prepared to commit appliance homicide when realization settled in. When did I hook you up? She wondered looking onto the old rock'n'roll chicken alarm clock brought from the Goodwill long ago at the age of seven. Falling back into the comforts of her bed she yawned greetings to the morning. I must have smashed all the other clocks.

Sleep had almost reclaimed her when she once again sat up to look about her surroundings with wide eyes. A simple room with butter crème colored walls practically hidden with newspaper clippings, posters, medals, amateur photos of smiling faces, and whatever else could be taped or thumbtacked to the wall. 

The room was unfamiliar to her but she knew from the style of things that no doubt it belonged to her. 

Plucking her Punch doll from the empty space in the bed beside her she looked into his glass eyes half expecting the answers to come from his large frozen grin. Please tell me I didn't get drunk or something. Please tell me I didn't. She begged. 

A familiar voice called through the door. Not a moment later a woman who looked remarkably like the confused girl opened the door and walked in. Harley are you up yet? 

Harley sat in shock, She asked looking her mother up in down in wonder. She wasn't wearing her usual luxurious clothing of choice and looked some years younger than she had last seen her. She must have been to the spa lately.' 

Oh honey, I thought we were over that first name thing long ago. She said with a careless wave of her hand. Now get up, so we can eat breakfast before noon. But please wash your face before you come to the table, you have dried up drool on your chin.

Out of a habit she had developed from the short time spent living with her mother she found herself obeying before realizing what she was doing. Moving across the hall into the bathroom she observed her surroundings trying to figure out what exactly was going on with herself. 

The bathroom looked normal enough, set up in the usual fashion only with the accommodations for someone with a handicap. Shrugging this off as perhaps the needs of one of her mother's constantly visiting friends she pulled a clean washcloth from the rack. 

Turning to the sink she dampened the cloth with hot water her eyes groggily lifting up to catch a dreaded looked of herself in the large near full-length mirror. What she saw reflecting in the mirror made her jump back with a shriek. 

Harley? Are you ok? The distant voice of her mother called from somewhere down the hall. 

yeah, I thought I saw a black widow. She lied with a trembling voice shaking from her chest. Her eyes did not leave her own reflection. She looked into the mirror amazed and at the same moment frightened at what she saw, no longer did she bare the face of a nineteen year old that had seen far more than one would have fathomed but hid it behind a Cheshire cat like grin. What looked back at her was the innocent face of herself nearly ten years ago.

Nine, maybe ten, she wasn't sure how old she was. She had forgotten that red and black weren't her natural hair colors and that the dark color of brown was. Her body did not bare the sets of three diamond tattoos on her arms and legs, only a few scabs and fresh scrapes from her rough habits. Nothing of the criminal Harley Jest was present on the child holding that same name. 

Standing there in silence it took her a moment to hear the sounds of the radio playing the wondrous music of the great classic Rhapsody in Blue filled the morning air mixing with the comforting scent of pancakes, sausage, and fried apples.

The memory that spiked from the scent onslaught brought an acute pain of loss to her heart. 

Harl doll, you didn't fall asleep on the can again did you? A deep masculine voice asked. 

At the sound of the second voice Harley once again found her body moving before her mind had the moment to process what had happened. Her bare feet thumped hard against the carpeted floor as she raced through the short unknown hall into the large living room and finally sliding to a halt before the room in which the smell of breakfast was coming from.

Wheelchair. That was the first thing she saw when she looked at her very much alive father. Marshall Jest moved one wheel turning around to face his daughter, his brown soul-searching eyes meeting happily with hers. 

Alive. That one simple word repeated endlessly in her mind as she felt the knot in her throat tighten. Her father wasn't dead but alive, Emily was living with them. She had her original family. But what of everything else? Was that all just some horrid dream that seemed to have lasted nearly ten years. 

Harl doll, you look like you've seen a ghost. He stated his face contorted into a look of deep fatherly concern.

I had a dream you died at the race. She answered trying to withhold her own tears. 

Close though, just can't use these old legs anymore. He said patting his still legs in emphasis. Are you still worked up over that? 

Emily walked into the dinning room sitting the plates on the table. It did hit her pretty hard seeing you crash like that, not to mention you were unconscious for a whole week. The doctors said she might be a bit traumatized afterwards.

Marshall held out his arms motioning his daughter forwards with two come hither jerks of his fingers, C'mere baby. Instinctively Harley was drawn into his open embrace, her sobs scratching out of her body without her knowledge. That was last year, Harl Doll. Papas here and hes ok. 

Though his words were comforting it did not stop her tears. Ya left me alone, no one would take me in and I had to go to this asylum dressed as a hospital because Fletcher wanted me out of the way. Then everything that could go wrong went wrong. My first boyfriend committed suicide, I was a criminal, mama treated me like a doll before she started actin' like me mother, and-and- She continued to sob uncontrollably.

By the end of her tears she was cradled in her father's lap with her mother at her head stroking it lovingly. Poor baby, Emily stated. Yes there was an accident at the race. Your dad got hurt really badly and he can't use his legs. But he's alive. She said bringing her back to the real world. That's when I came back, to take care of the both of you.

Ah, I thought you came back because you realized how deeply and madly you were in love with me. He pouted. Ah the arrow of Cupid has struck my heart yet my love is unrequited! He cried dramatically with his hand clutched above his heart. Wheeling back and forth balanced on two wheels he rocked about wildly making his once sad daughter giggle in delight. 

Mars stop that. Emily commanded with a stern look plastered on her face though the hints of worry peaked through at moments. 

Harley, I think _I am_ dieing. He went on. Your mother doesn't love me.

Tired of his antics and tired of her heart leaping to her throat she took hold of the wheelchair's frame forcing him on a steady balance on his wheels so that he was looking up onto her angered face. Now listen here, I'll have you know I never stopped loving you when I left and I came back because I do love the both of you! Now stop this nonsense so that we can have breakfast; which by now is ice cold. 

You're only saying that because you love me. Marshall stated. 

Emily rolled her eyes in annoyance before kissing him lightly on his lips and letting him go. 

After breakfast Emily sent Harley to get dressed for the day, she had school to attend then something or another about practice.

In record time she had stripped from her teddy bear covered pajamas and was dressed in slack jeans and a large red t-shirt crest with a sunflower. 

Flower, Red. She murmured looking about the reality she easily accepted over the oh so real dream. isn't real. It was just a dream. But this place could use more plants. She admitted to herself. 

A voice cried from the front door. Harley if we're late I'm putting the blame on you!

She called running from her room with backpack in tow. Rushing to the door she came onto her best friend waiting somewhat impatiently for her at the front door. The child awaiting her was a familiar face she knew too well, Hey Rayven. 

C'mon, if we're late again we have in school suspension for the remainder of the week. The purple haired girl stated rushing down the hall to the elevator. 

~*~

School in the 5th grade, as Harley excepted, was as dull as school had appeared in high school. To pass long boring hours she and her friends, all the member's of the CirCus who was present in the class, would play long distance paper football, pass notes, make faces, and take turns making disgusting noises when their teacher was not looking. 

With the distractions they made for themselves class passed quickly and she was already walking out of the hallowed halls of education with her friends by her side. 

U, V, W, X, Y, Z. James, AKA Jox belched the ending of the alphabet into the warm spring air. 

Torn between entertained, disgust, and astonishment the group applauded his talent. Now, Jox, Loup began with his arm resting on Lena's and Rayven's shoulders. How bored were you when you discovered you could do this? 

Why would you do that? Ernest AKA Punch questioned. 

Hey I had four cans of super fizzy Star-Pop cola. With that much carbon fizz in your stomach I can burp Twinkle Twinkle little star. Jox stated offhandedly as they approached the street side where Emily and a large red Explorer awaited them.

What has the Sinister Six been up to today? I hope it wasn't another group detention. Emily asked. 

No Mrs. J, we didn't get caught today. Lena answered her fat cheeks smiling.

Emily merely rolled her eyes skywards as if asking for some heavenly being to somehow help her and the group before her. Harley, Rayven, come on let's get going before we're late again. I dont know why the women of our family can never be on time, its always rush rush rush. She rambled on to herself as she climbed back into the Explorer. 

Harley, tell your old man we're coming over to the garage to take a look at his latest work this weekend. Punch shouted as the two got inside and Emily drove away. 

I don't know how fate could put six of the most unruly children together in the same school and to boot allow them to get along with each other. Emily sighed.

That's why we're the CirCus, right Harl? Rayven asked nudging a dazed looking Harley. Biker princess Harley J, are you okay? 

Shaking herself out of the vapid feeling of drifting through a surreal dream she looked towards her friend. I agree with the Purple Princess. Umwe should hurry up and get to practice right? She asked wondering what practice' was. 

~*~

Alright Honey, you can do it. Emily cheered.

Of course she could do it; she could pull off harder stunts in her sleep. Keeping in time with the music, she preformed her tumbles with grace and ease, mercilessly pounding the community's YWCA mats with each spring, landing, split, roll, and so on. 

In the corner a woman in her late forties stood leaning on a cane, watching with interest as two red haired girls who looked identical to one another practiced on the right and center mats while the youngest of her students occupied the left. 

For her granddaughter's she was proud of their progress, they somehow managed to move in perfect sync with one another giving them a strength in numbers type of accomplishment while the last student sharing the name of her criminal past which seemed to have stuck moved with a passion and effortlessness that said she was doing what she enjoyed and no one could make her feel otherwise. 

Good, girls. Harley Quinn stated stopping the music. Go on and wash up. Monday we start with the uneven bars.

Yes, Nana Harley. The twins said together. 

Harley who was balanced upside down on her hands addressed her mentor. Miss Q, do ya ever hear from your friend, Miss Isley? 

Who Red? I hear from her from time to time. Why do you ask? She wondered putting away the CD player. 

Harley brought her legs down folding beneath her as she came upright. I was wonderingdid she adopt a son?

Red? Adopting a son? At those words the elderly woman began to laugh. If she could actually stand being around another mammal' as she calls us, if anything she'd adopt a daughter. 

Harley nodded in understanding. Now go hit the showers so your mom doesn't have to wait any longer.

Rayven's art class is going to last an extra half hour today. I'm gonna to practice a little bit more before then. She stated rolling backwards into a headstand. 

If you say so. Harley Quinn stated walking out after waving good-bye to Emily.

With a song in her head she began a series of back hand springs. The shout came from a distant quickly moving closer until it was at her ear. 

Taken by surprise her landing was off causing her to stumble back onto her rear in a harsh fall. Ow, Red? She whispered looking about the large gym in search of the body to go allow with the familiar voice. 

Honey, are you okay? Emily asked from the sidelines. 

Standing onto her feet she looked about once again. Yeah. I got a little dizzy. She lied heading to the showers.

~*~

After dropping Rayven off at her apartment building the two returned home. There are my two lovely ladies. Marshall smiled holding out his arms in greetings. How was practice?

Harley crawled into his lap hugging him lovingly making sure to inhale the musky scent of his aroma. It was good.

Good? Harley's the best one their hands down. In fact she was better today than I have ever seen her. Emily commented getting in on the greeting. And how was your day?

Harley did not stay to hear their discussion. Yawning deeply she slid out of her father's lap and headed into the living room for a much needed nap. 

This is a dream come true.' She thought to herself moments before dozing off.

~*~

The next day, a lovely Saturday, the Jest family spent the majority of the morning in their night clothes while watching cartoons and eating their choice of cereal. Once twelve o'clock had struck they had dressed and were in the park ready of the CirCus's usual meeting for play. 

Loup I thought ya said we were playing football. Harvey shouted. 

Loup produced a soccer ball, Yes, we're going to play football. He stated in his thick British accent. 

Slag it, what is with you and you Brits? That's soccer, soc-cer. Jox complained. You are in America; you've been in America for awhile now, get use to our terms. 

Well do you want to play or no? 

Lena and Punch cried out together. 

Jox cried carelessly knocking the ball out of Loup's hands. They all watched unmoved as the ball rolled away into the bushes that lined the sector of the park in which they were playing. 

1, 2, 3. Not it! Not it. The cried went out until all fingers pointed to the last person to call out. Harley.

Grumbling and running at the same time Harley made her way through the bushes until she spotted the ball clear on the other side. 

Running around she came face to stomach with a grown man. Looking up her brown eyes locked with very familiar green depths. She knew the face, the pale green skin, and long curly red hair. Forgetting the ball she slowly backed away.

Christopher said forcing her to see the truths of reality that she knew him.

No. No you aren't real! You're a dream! She shouted. 

He sighed lowering himself to eye level with her. I know this is something you've always wanted but it isn't real.

I don't care. She shouted the voice of a ten year old deepening to the tone of her old self before returning once again. I don't care. Go away! Just go away! She screamed beating her closed fist against his chest in vain hopes that by force she would be able to stop him from ruining her paradise.

Chris sighed wrapping him into a secure embrace. Harl, you're nineteen not ten. He said into the top of her head. And as much as it hurts you know that your dad is dead. After the words had passed his lips her struggles ceased and a deep sob ripped from her throat. I'm sorry, Harl. But-

I know. The adult voice said from the small body. I know.

Looking up Chris witnessed as the group of children awaiting the return of their friend and soccer ball vanished. We have to leave. He stated watching as other parts of her _reality_ began to disappear.

Wiping her eyes with a fist she sniffled, Can't I at least say good-bye first?

He nodded walking her back to the picnicking tables where Marshall Jest and the woman he had come to know as Emily Carolyn sat waiting.

Harley walked over to her father, her physical appearance catching to her adult self as she bent before him, Papa, I have to go. I love you very much, and everyday I can't help but think of you and how much I miss having you around. I wasn't ready for you to leave me and I don't want to leave you now. But this is all a lie, and you always told me it's wrong to live a lie. 

Chris's voice called as Emily vanished. 

Bye Papa. She whispered hugging him. 

Harl Doll. He said seconds before his form faded away and all about them was an eerie glow of green. 

Spellbinder walked freely about his base happy with himself, he had captured the criminal duo Harley Jest and Nightshade. The underground bounty on their heads was enough for him to update his VR equipment, with a little left over to save for other pleasure items.

It was a joke, the green man thinking he could actually go into another's dream and pull them out of it. If anything her mind would consume his in her desperation to remain in the sweet dream she had made for herself. 

Going somewhere? A deep voice asked as a large green hand touched down on his shoulder. 

Spinning around Spellbinder gasped at seeing Nightshade once again free from his machines with a large machete in his hand. Stay back. He growled backing away to the corner where he had left the pair's belongings in hope of grabbing hold of a weapon. 

Oh I'm not upset with you, Nightshade stated holding out his hands in a sigh of good intent. You see my dream world was very nice, it gave me a hope for my future. But He said pointing the tip of his machete towards a fuming Harley. 

I ain't so appreciative. She reached into her once abandoned carpet bag and removed a croquette mallet that shouldn't have been able to fit in the first place. Red, you might want to leave the room for this.

Taking her advice he stepped out closing the large metal door behind him. No sooner had he left did the sounds of Harley reaping havoc drift through the door along with pained cries and her voice. 

Eh, you moved! Bang! Bang! Bang! Don't run; don't run I promise it doesn't hurt. Crash! I've done this hundreds of times and I've never felt a thing! 

About ten minutes after the ruckus had begun did the door finally open. Filling better now? He asked when a much relieved looking Harley made her way towards him. 

Yeah, some people have hobbies to deal with their stress but I still say nothing beats stress like smashin' heads. Harley laughed dropping the mallet behind her back. Ready to go home?

Yeah, my sprouts need water and your pet needs to be walked.

~*~

Seated atop an unguarded ledge of their firehouse turned home apartment Christopher gazed out onto the black and gray clouds where not even the brightest stars had the power to shine through. In a sense it was a bit depressing but that did nothing to change his better mood. The lithe figure straddle in his lap curled into the comfort of his arms and provisions of warm, the swell of her chest raising and falling in a steady rhythm, in its way giving him a sense of ease. 

Um? You're still awake? The voice made husky by drossiness drifted up towards the shells of his ear. 

Yes. I'm just thinking about the VRs. He said in a soft tone running the round of his nail over the center of her arched spine gaining a shudder for his actions.

Harley yawned rubbing the knuckle of her index finger against her closed eye. By the way, how did ya know ya were in a dream world? I mean it was all very convincin' to me.

Readjusting his hold around her he settled back prepared to join her in her slumber. Simple, in a prefect world for me you need me more than you do now. So if you were to fall you would need me to catch you. He said closing his eyes.

Oh, okay. She said in a low near sleep voice. 

In the night the city below never seemed to truly sleep as those who stalked the night went about their work and life creating the familiar clamor which was the lullaby of the city.

Harley's eyes shot open as her voice cut sharply through the noise. You let me fall?!

End Dreams or Reality

HJ: Finally, something about me! My feelings. Everything focused on me!

DSP: Yeah yeah, we're happy for you.   
Anyways I need to know how many of you darling readers are interested in a Justice League Fic from me? I already have the first chapter and want to know should I or shouldn't I post it?   
Until then be sure to review.


	7. The Tiff

DSP, HJ, and Harley Quinn figurine are sitting before the computer: *Sigh*

DSP: Harley Quinn, I must say you are my favorite villainess but ooh no one can compare to the main man. I guess you guys (Sorry, northern Yankee at heart forever regardless of how far south I move) want to see what we are talking about? My number one favorite page of the Joker.

HJ: Warning! Shameless plug and advertising on bio page! Wanna be seduced by madness?

HQ: Woohoo! The main man, my man, the clown prince of crime! Beef cake, stud muffin, god of love, sexy t-rex, and death by laughter! Gimme gimme! I want.

DSP: *Shoots her with a super soaker watergun.* Down girl, down. Harley J, you get to work. Oh yeah Auroris this might please you and the others, I have a Justice League Fic posted. 

Chapter...um whatever: The Tiff 

Love. It's a wonderful thing when ya have it but oddly enough it's weird. Ya want a sample? Sure I have cheese logs in the freezeroh ya meant an example. Love made my mentor and sorta surrogate mummy, Harley Quinn, devote herself to a homicidal maniac The Joker. Love made silver screen star actor Charles Boyer commit suicide after the death of his wife. And love makes people do stupid and irrational things, like spendin' huge amounts of money on gifts, gettin' married, and stalkin. 

Now as a kid I couldn't believe people allowed this stuff to happen to them and I never wanted to fall in love, scared of what it would do to me. I shouldn't have been afraid

Love made me crazy. 

Ain't it great?

Now if ya were walkin' down the street, easy pickin's waitin' to get mugged, and saw this cute couple walkin' by I bet ya would think they were the perfect pair, never fought, and never had an argument Yeah, I would happily shoot them in the back of their heads. 

Sorry but even the perfect couple has a fight now and again. Take me and my Red for example, (No I ain't saying we're the prefect pair, we're just on a higher level of perfection than most, thank you very much.) even we get into a little fight now and again. 

Wait, I'm confusing myself, let me just take you through a certain day

March 20, a lovely Saturday morning. Red was up at the crack of dawn humming and watering his _babies _while me and mine (my Erik), were still nestled in bed sleeping the day away like normal human beings!

Around seven fifty nine my mental alarm went off and in a groggy b-movie zombie like state I dragged my pretty ass into the living room to watch the Saturday morning cartoon line up. All in all a rather normal Saturday in my home.

Go Binky go! No no don't go in there, Master Pyan and his henchmen are gonna jump you! I cried to the cartoon pizza boy/super secret agent on the TV. 

I don't see how you can watch such dribble, Harley. A smooth deep masculine voice enriched with a lovely South American accent stated. 

I tried to hide the shiver I always got when he said my name, one would think of being together for nearly three years I would get use to it. Lookin' to my side I gave a super-sized toothpaste commercial smile. That was the answer in itself, if he didn't get it then too bad, it was cutting into my TV time.

Christopher Isley, my Red, my strawberry beef cake, my pistachio ice cream with a cherry on top, my man of all seasons, stood by the window with watering pail in soiled hands. My eyes drifted over his thin but strong body dressed in a simple wife beater and navy sweat pants both stained with dirt. At the moment he looked like a garden show host, a sexy garden show host. 

His red shoulder length hair fell over his pale lime green shoulders, giving him this feminine attribute, made his beautiful green eyes standout. It amazes me that Poison Ivy managed to adopt a son that could pass as her mini-me.

He pushed Erik, my pet hyena, off the couch to take the seat beside me. So what are we going to do today? 

I stretched to lie down across his lap. I don't know, what do ya wanna to do?

I don't know. I'll do whatever you want to do. He stated. 

Poor guy, he didn't even notice the devious smile spreadin' cross my face. Can we all say Famous last words.'? I knew ya could.

~*~

Harley, can't we do something else? Red asked for about the sixteen thousandth time that evenin. 

I was decked out in a plated jean micro mini skirt with solid white stockings and ankle heavy metal boots, all easily hiding my tattoos, I was gonna party! I crossed my arms over the snow white long sleeved peasant top as I glared at him, Ya said and I quote, I'll do whatever you want to do.' 

He rolled those pretty greens, I did not.

Reachin' into my Mary Poppins carpet bag and searchin' through the many items I removed and then put back: a rubber duck, rubber chicken, my headphones, a brick, exploding grenade gum, super bouncing balls, rocket gun, pop gun, flag gun, launching gun, real gun, boomerang horse shoe, fake id, fake id, another fake id, coupon for a Quiznos sub, can-o-beans stink bomb, lips stick, on and on and on until finally I removed a small recorder. Pressin' the play back button mine and Red's voice poured into the air, do you want to do?' I don't know. I'll do whatever you want to do.'

He watched in amazement as I put my toy back into my bag. When did you start carrying that around?

When I need to prove a point or black mail. Now I wanna go dancin' and I wanna dance with you! 

So you are probably wondering why I want to dance with someone who doesn't like to dance, and more reason as to why I carry around the tape recorder. Well that's because whenever I wanna to do somethin' with him he always says no'. 

Let's go to the movies? No. Can I do your hair? No. Can I we feed Chihuahuas to you meat eating plants? No. Can we mug the Girl Scout? No. Can I dress you up like a girl and take you out so that some guy can try and pick you up? No! No, no, always no.

Sometimes I wonder what I see in him. All in all he could be quiet borin. But I see it is my duty, no my destiny, to change that!

Takin' him by his arm I pulled him into the world of the late night dance club, a place of loud pulsating music, alternating and flashing lights, a place filled with people dancing together getting hot and sticky as they moved together. 

Ah, paradise!

Thirty minutes later Chris was bein' _kindly _escorted out by way of the club's bouncer, Jackknife, an ex-marine. Don't e'er let me catch yer face round here He bellowed as he pushed Chris out the door.

Lucky me I was able to finish my drink before walkin' out on my freewill. See ya later, Harley. Jackknife managed through his deep baritone voice as we crossed paths.

Yeah, sorry bout this. I called over my shoulder before goin' to stand beside the fallen man who was already back on his feet and marching off in a lil macho pissed off march.

I was angry, we both were, the vibe was so strong the pigeons on the lampposts flew off. I can't believe ya got jealous over a lil' dance! I stated as we walked towards the metro.

Chris was rubbin' his tender knuckles, a bit red from the fight he had gotten into earlier. I don't mind you dancing; you're wonderful when it comes to dancing. It's just that I don't appreciate other men dancing with you. He stated very weakly in his defense.

I wanted to sock him so badly with my spring punching glove. Didn't ya momma teach ya better than this? Gettin' jealous and takin' me off the dance floor like that. And worse ya just **had** to start a fight! What? Did ya feel like ya had to show everyone who I _belonged _to? Like some typical **male**! I had spoken before I even realized what I was sayin'.

Oh that pissed him off. He stopped to look me dead in the eye with those beautiful entrancin' emerald green eyes that seemed to always be switching in shades (sigh). Hell, if my mother would say anything about it then she would say you shouldn't have been dancing with other men with their hands all over you! 

We were just dancin'! I growled with clenched teeth while inside my head I counted, Mississippi-one. Mississippi-two. Mississippi-'

You call that dancing? I swear in nine months you'll have some guys kid! Then he dropped his bomb. Not to mention the way youre dressed.

Okay screw the Mississippi's I was mad, no not upset, I was blood boiling, seein' red, slashin' tires, and throwin' bricks into windows and/or heads type of mad. Ok you stupid twit! I pulled my pop-gun and pressed it, gently mind you, against his cheek. Now, as much as I just looove listenin' to ya this conversation is borin'. Now if you are implyin' that I'm dressed like a slut then say so, I'll happily blow your fu- what's that?

We both looked upwards to see a large projectile movin' towards us. It looked like someone had put a bird on fire. Waitno it was a Molotov cocktail? 

Chris shouted tacklin' me to the ground as the bottle flew past my head crashin' onto the sidewalk a few feet away from us. About ten seconds after the liquid and flames had spread a small explosion erupted from the fire knocking both Chris and me off our feet just after we had pulled ourselves up.

It would have been nice if it were a normal little attack on our lives. You know through the bottle scare us for a moment, we run, they pursue, we kick their asses, and it'd be done. We'd be home in time for dessert and coffee. But no, ooh no, we would just happen to catch the eye of some bounty hunter wannabes who never heard of overkill! Or rather they had a strong belief in it. Which ever one it is they wanted us badly. 

The things were flying at us from everywhere all fallin' in a line coming closer and closer towards us as we ducked away. 

BOOM! BOOM! Boom-Boom-BOOM! Crashing my back against the wall with my legs falling over my head, giving everyone a good look at my pink elephant print panties. I groaned, I think they're trying to kill us.

Chris was the first to climb onto his feet, takin' me by my hands he practically hoisted me over his shoulder and began runnin. Sometimes I forget he could do that.

This way! Chris cried carryin' me into an alleywayan enclosed dead-end alleyway.

Realizing his mistake the look on his face could easily be read in one word, . 

Way to go Houdini. I mocked crudely crossing my hands over my chest.

Harl, I am five seconds from-

Uh-oh me apple strudel was mad at me, I couldnt have that now could I? Thinking quickly I draped my arms around him walking my index and middle fingers over his shoulder. 

Save it, my strawberry love muffin, we have to deal with these toddlers first, then we can rip each others heads off or kiss and make up. I stated kissing him on his Adam's apple to emphasize my pointand to make him a lil' more frustrated.

Despite his bad mood his hand dripped to bring my thigh to rest on his hip as he brought me closer. I guess he wanted to kiss and make up sooner than planned. 

Sadly it was then that I realized I had a series of large bloody holes in my stockings, Dammit, they made me rip my stockings! I shirked...in my darling snuggle bunny's ears.

Harl, we have more important things to worry about. He said moving away from me as he remembered that we were fighting.

But I just got these! I protested crossin' my hands over my chest and poutin. 

I wish my attention span wasn't so short and I wish I could remember the important things at hand, because if I did then I wouldn't have been so loud.

Here they are! Hey you two freeze! Put your hands over your heads and don't move! A gruff voice shouted with a heapin' pile of false bravado.

Well that was a bit redundant. Chris stated crossin' his arms over his chest. 

I rolled my eyes in annoyance at our interruption, couldnt they see that we were havin' a very important argument? They've been watchin' too many cop shows. Is it a law that the crazy crooks have to get the whacked up bounty punks? I asked. 

I think it's your animal magnetism. He stated the words just oozing' with sarcasm.

I said freeze! The guy shouted as his camouflage clad form and that of three others began to creep into the alleyway perhaps in hopes of blockin' us...I marvel at some people's optimism. They got points for tryin' but they didn't really know who they were messin' with. Besides forest green and brown camouflage in the city? Out of the four of them I think they shared at most half a brain.

My hand crept towards my purse, to my trusty handy dandy pop-gun! Not so fast! Number two shouted in a cracking voice, po boy he must have finally hit puberty, or someone hit him in the throat with a hammer. 

I don't think I can move any slower. I stated in my defense my hand still moving.

Funny, bitch. The third male rasped out. I don't get why everyone calls me that. Before either one of us could respond a canister, something like a police smoke bomb, flew from a launcher rollin' to a stop at Chris's feet. 

Before we could respond a white stream of smoke began to fog up towards our faces. Another point to the good guys, they knew they couldn't get too close. But I believe it's because they were cowards.

It wasn't tear or knock-out gas, it didn't sting my nose like they usually did. As the cloud grew the stench got stronger, so bad that I had to place my hands over my nose, I knew that smell from someplace...the green roombut for what? 

From behind me Chris coughed as he began to lean forwards somewhat weakened. Weed killer. He managed through deep labored huffs dropping to his knees. 

I pulled my pop-gun from my purse and loaded a dark blue cartridge, Suck on this, Bozos! I cried dropping to one knee lowering myself below the smoke and firing.

Within seconds those twits were crying out in pain as my lovely concoction got into their unprotected eyes. Haha! No one can withstand a pink cloud of doom! Waitpink?

Aw crude I must have put my pink mist dye smoke bomb in the wrong colored shell, that must mean there was a pepper bomb in a pink shell someplace. Oh well dye in the eyes hurt like hell too, propose served!

Oh I have special shells all over the place and all color coded, my explosives were red, smoke bombs depending on purpose all a gray shade, surprises were rainbow colored, I even have kryptonite, well something I made at home with glitter and green decorative sugar, but I doubt I'd be meeting Superman anytime soon.I hope.

Oops off subject um back to the alley.

I ran to Chris's side helping him onto his feet. We have to hide until yare betta. I said giving him support by being his human crutch. Yeah I could have taken those pansies on but I had him to worry about fighting or not.

I know of a place. He mumbled as his head lolled to rest on my head. 

A church. Of all the places he chose he chose a church. 

Um I've gotta go get something to eat. I'll tell ya the rest later! TBC baby!


	8. Tiff: Final

Mmm hotdogs are the best thing mankind ever created; I can never eat over three of those babies! Oh yeah ya wanna know 'bout the rest of my day. Ok um where was I? Oh yeah…ahem.

"I know of a place." The injured Chris mumbled to me as his head lolled to rest roughly on top of my head. 

A church. Of all the places to go he chooses a church. 

Walking in I have to keep in the laughter when I don't burst into flames from crossin' the threshold. 

I remember as a child attendin' church, listening to the preacher preach on and on about things I didn't understand at the time. Back then I had a strong faith. But now…well to put it simply, me and God ain't on speakin' terms. 

My friend Punch may seem like an idiot at times but the guy has a brain somewhere in that thick skull of his. He once said to me, 'The god of your youth isn't the same as the god of your maturity.' 

As I looked around the large steeple, the saints and apostles, the candles and the big organ before casting my eyes to the cross encircled over the stained glass window and the only feeling going through me at the moment was emptiness, I can only say that never had truer words been spoken.

"Ya okay?" I asked looking towards my tried Red his body sheen with sweat as the poison was being flushed out of his system with lots of fresh purified water all costing me about eight bucks at the gas station we passed. 

He removed the large bottle of water from his mouth, "Fine." He bit back. 

The little bastard had the nerve to still be mad at me! Well if he was then so was I. 

Turning away from him I glared back towards the front with the crucifix and let my mind wonder. If Christ had been hanged would people be walkin' around with nooses around their necks? Um…makes ya wonder. 

For awhile we sat in the pews just staring ahead at nothing really just mentally cursing each other. When I saw that he was no longer sweating and was breathing rather normal I stood, "Alright let's go."

"What for?" He asked his voice still a bit irritated. 

"Thought I'm not the most religious person in all of Gotham even I have respect for others. If we stay they'll find us eventually and when they do all hell breaks loose! Plus wreaking a church would make us look downright bad even to the lowdown pickpockets."

We quickly walked out and began heading down the street with nowhere in particular in mind to go just yet. We had those people to take care of, and after that I had to bust Chris in his head for his attitude.

"You're not comfortable in churches, why's that?" Chris asked breakin' the six minutes of a very _very_ uncomfortable silence between us.

I shrugged. "Lost my faith awhile ago. I feel…cheap takin' refuge there. I did a search once on the internet awhile ago when I felt it slipping and I had a small chat with a retired clergy man. He said somewhere in the middle of his career he lost his but couldn't get out, so he had to keep it up, givin' comfort and preachin' a word he no longer believed in until he retired. Sorta ironic ain't it?"

There goes that silence again, it's very nerve wreakin'. "What about you?" I asked giving in first this time.

"Huh?" 

"I said what about you and your faith?"

"Um I still have it, just not the same as I did as a kid. You know I sorta miss the devotion I had as a child."

"Don't we all."

We continued on our way walking in silence, we couldn't go home just yet; something just had to be done about those pesky people. What the hell did we do to them that justify them hunting us down? 

Yeah yeah I know I've held a few people hostage, injured them, made them laugh uncontrollably with laughing gas, assaulted, insulted, dressed up, put in dangerous situations, and killed a few in large a large explosion or they died when they inhaled my Joker Venom…but that didn't give them the right. Hey I'm not innocent but can I be blamed when people don't move their asses fast enough? 

"So are ya feelin' any better?" I asked. 

"Yeah. Did you get a count of how many we're dealing with?" 

"Four." 

"Two each."

"Were should we go duke it out?" I asked takin' a quick look around us; no doubt those guys weren't far behind.

Whenever my lovely dovey strawberry is thinkin' of somethin' wicked, he get the most devious smirk on his face and his eyes are completely frightening. It sends a yummy scrumpdelicious shiver down my spine every single time I see it. Oh if we weren't fighting at the moment I'da been all over him. 

Gotham Reservoir. Isn't anything that this damn city doesn't have? At six minutes to twelve the place was practically empty with only a few java injected souls manning the nightshift. I don't know why but the night shift is far more fun to play with than the day.

"No." 

"What?" I demanded my hands still curled around my gun which had yet to be properly used for the night. 

"I said 'no' you aren't going to take any of those people hostage, and no you can't hurt them, we have enough to worry about."

"But Mr. Boom-Boom hasn't been used all night!" I whine helplessly knowin' this argument I had lost. 

Chris took my gun _and_ my bag of tricks makin' sure my focus was on him as he relayed his plan. "There's a storage shed off near the water side, it's big and spacious. They'll follow us in when we go in-"

"And what do we do after that? If you haven't noticed they are packin' more firepower than a fireworks factory. We go in there and we're easy pickin's."

Again Chris smiled that delicious smile I wish was edible. Mmm, that reminds me I need to stock up on candy lips.

When my Red comes up with an idea, oh does he come up with an idea! Now keep in mind he's still a lil' tipsy from that weed killer attack but oh he gives his all. He went into the main building stole a portable CD player from the janitor when he was cleaning out the bathrooms, brought back to yours truly who hooked it up to the heavy machinery storage build's PA system (after a bit of rewiring which stopped video feed to the security). Ooh it pays to be multitalented.

Standing back we observed our handy work. "Nice." He said to himself. "Harl, go lure them in."

Clicking my heels together I saluted, "Yes sir!" And with a hop and a skip I was gone before he realized he didn't tell me exactly _how_ I was or wasn't s'pose to lure our buddies. 

Rushing outside I uselessly tiptoed out into the open announcing my arrival with a, "Sneaky sneaky." It looked empty outside the storage house but I wasn't some dumb broad, I only acted that way. "Ok ya jerks, playtime!" Pointing my flag gun above my head I fired.

The flag-like projectile whistled into the air seconds before it exploded high above our heads releasing a bright white light that banished all of the darkness. 

"Ah-ha! Found ya!" I cried pointing to our stalkers hidden in the shadows; I might have actually missed them if it hadn't been for their poor fashion sense for camouflage. Turning around I shook my booty taunting them, "Na na-na na-na ya can't catch me!" With a smack to my own ass I ran back inside.

The guys walked into the dark storage place and tried to turn on some light. They should have known better. "I saw her run in here. But I can't see a thing." 

"I told you we should have got those night vision goggles instead of the Tanker."

"Like hell you did, you were the main one voting we buy that damn van."

"Shut up the both of you. Cannon, fire another one of those weed killer bombs."

From behind a forklift Chris and I spied on the group, with a nod of his head Operation Boppy was go! (Can you tell I named it myself?)

In the dark an old jazzy song, Temptation I think, began to play over the old speakers. "What the hell is that noise?" Ouch, well that hurt, *sigh* people today just don't know good music.

"Spread out!" The lead man said waving his arm as he still crept around with his gun aimed. The good little mice played into our trap, they all looked like they had been influenced by some military based vid game. I mean the guns, the bombs, camouflage, and the gas masks? And they have the nerve to say that I'm crazy! 

As the weed killer misty stuff began to fill the room and a little solider wannabe boy was lacking behind as he searched. His looking was rewarded when a bra fell at his combat boots. 

"Uh?" He asked looking up as I slowly made myself known by stepping out from behind the forklift…heehee topless. 

Making a come-hither motion with my hands I giggled knowing if the idiot wasn't wearing the mask his jaw would have hit the floor. He hesitated; I couldn't believe he was hesitating when a good pair of knockers was right in his face, what did I have to jiggle them for him? Disappearing behind the lift again he followed me without even alerting his friends. 

Boing! Boff! The spring punching glove bounded beautifully off his chest knocking him off his feet and into the metal lift knocking the fool unconscious. "I love my toys." I smiled pulled off his gasmask and just to be sure used one of my stockings to tie him up before heading back to Chris. 

"Happy birthday." I smiled handing it to him. He took it without as much as a 'thank you' and tossed my top back to me, the punk really had a nerve to be pissed at a time like this! Oh well, we had work to do and asses to kick.

Alright with the problem of Red and the weed killer out of the way all I had to worry about was the other three. 

"Give me your other stock." Chris breathed to me in a very Darth Vader way. For that reason alone I complied. "Alright I'll take one you get the other."

"Aye aye captain." I sighed jumping on top of a go-cart and springing across one heavy lifting machine onto the other until I had found my next victim in the maze of machinery searching us out. 

From behind us someplace there was a loud shout of surprise and a gun shot followed by a thud. "Henry? Henry are you okay?" My target asked turning just as I jumped down with a flying kick! 

"He-" His shouts were muffled as I stuffed my….um something in his mouth. 

"We don't want ya spoilin' the surprise, honey bunny." I cooed ramming my knee into his stomach. 

After knocking our guys out or whatever we did to silence them we met again in the center of the large mechanical maze.

"Three down," I whispered.

"One to go." Chris said. 

"This is the ringleader, he's gonna be harder than the three stooges back there." I stated letting my mind actually reason out the possibilities.

"We need some fire power to match his…Harl do you-"

"No no and no! You come up wit' somethin' this time cause I'm tired of givin' everything!" I hissed crossing my arms over my chest giving him my I'm-pissed-off look, a rare sight in my book. "My bra is lost someplace, my stockings are being used as handcuffs, my panties are gaggin' some guy, and I'm feelin' a breeze in places the air hasn't hit since I was born! I ain't handin' over another thing!" I said counting off my losses with my fingers.

One thing about being in an argument and being in an argument with me of all people is that you tend to forget the important things around you. Like the insane gun totting nut cases out to collect on our heads. "Alright you two put your damn hands over your f-cking heads and don't move!" The last man standing commanded shoving the gun in our faces.

Both Chris and I lifted our hands into the air. "Ooh someone needed to have his mouth washed." I hissed. 

"Yeah, don't you know it's not polite to say such things in front of a lady?" The poor sap wasn't aware that even without use of our hands we were just as dangerous, heck my greatest strength is in my legs.

"Her, a lady? That's rich." Last man standing said. 

I shrugged, "Lady in public a freak at home, though I do tend to mix those up. Right baby?" I asked directing the attention to Chris. He merely smirked before dropping his hands punching our gunman. With the fool crying out in pain like a lil' pansy I dropped in a low spinning kick knocking him off his feet.

Red nicely kicked the gun far away from his reach as we both looked down upon him wondering what to do.

"Compost?" I asked. 

"No, I have enough. You deal with him." He said moving away to leave me to my work as I leered down with a huge grin on my face at the frighten man at my feet.

Heehee, I bet you're wondering what I did to the guy right? Well….

"Uncle!" The bounty hunter cried as a sheen of sweat glistened across his face.

"I can't hear you!" I shouted pulling his underwear even harder. It's so nice to see someone get up close and personal with their underpants. "Say it louder!" The wedgie had moved from simple to super, two more level to go before it reached atomic. 

"Aiie, uncle uncle UNCLE!" 

"Good boy." I laughed. Now I could have just dropped his sorry behind to the ground. But what fun is that? With a hard yank the band rose higher and higher until the ultimate level of wedgie-dom was achieved. The waist band reached over his head completing the atomic with a loud snap against his forehead! 

Haha! That's when I dropped kicked his ass into the corner.

My well practiced evil chortle was sadly cut short as Chris came back, "Are you done yet? I want to get home and check on my ferns."

Damn ferns, I hated those stupid plants most of all. We walked along the reservoir's sewage line the stench not brothering us much since we were still in the midst of our fight. 

"Well if you hadn't been so beef headed this wouldn't have happened!" 

"If you hadn't drug me out to that damn club-"

"If you would have just been honest and actually said you didn't want to do anything today-"

"If you would have just left me alone-"

The sound of a gun cocking made us stop for the umpteenth time that night, "I hate to get in the middle of a lover's quarrel but I must ask that the two of you come with me." Another of the bounty hunters said with nice little British accent stated that reminding me I had to call Loup when I got home.

"I thought you said there were four?" Chris looked towards me the both of us ignoring the man as he came closer to us.

Rollin' my eyes I shifted my weight, "Well sor-ry but at the time I was tryin' not to get my ass blown off! Anyone would have miscounted!" 

"Will the two of your just shut the bloody hell up?!" The lead bounty man shouted right into our ears. 

I looked towards red and he looked towards me. With a silent agreement our hands balled into fists and together we punched the snit out of the fool. The power behind our blows sent the man reeling back over in the rushing waters of the funky water.

We didn't even wait for him to surface, we didn't even care. Tired for the day and perhaps the entire week Chris made a jerking motion with his thumb, "Let's go home before Batman shows up or something."

Back at our house, the old firehouse, we were still a bit riled up at each other. The negative vibes sent my baby Erik to crouch in his private corner the second I scratched his head. Givin' up I sat down on the couch to watch the late **late** night B horror movie hoping the senseless plot full of holes and poor endings would calm me down.

The light in the kitchen died as Chris made his way towards me with a container in his hand. Sittin' down beside me he handed me a spoon. Openin' the cookies and cream ice cream we sat in silence watching the interrupting news report of our wrong doings. 

I can't believe it! He ruins my night out by stupidly exposin' us in public and getting' us chased all 'round Gotham and losin' over half of the clothes I was wearin' for the night! And he thinks that I was gonna forgive him because he brings in a pint of my favorite ice cream?!

Taking a spoonful of the creamy concoction into my mouth I instantly unwind as I leaned against him. Damn, he knows me well. 

Ahh, how I love the guy!


	9. Trapped in the Worst Place

Demoness is laying upside down on her bed playing with her PS2 when Harley Jest walks in, "Boss Lady, Batman's bitchin' that he hasn't been in the fic since the first installment."

"Really now? That's good." She continues to play game.

"Ain't ya listening? That's bad; if ya don't show more of him then this will be considered an original fic and booted off!

That gets the Demoness pirate on her feet and seated before her semi-faithful computer, Puck. "Ok, ok. Tell Batsy he's in."

Batman's voice shouts from the distance, "I'm in?"

"You're in." Demoness

Batman smiles, "I'm in."

Harley J looks around in confusion. "He's in?"

"You're both in! Sad of me to be stealin' a scene from a stupid cell phone commercial, ain't it? Oh well, on with it…"

Chapter 5: Trapped in the worst place

Semi-long nails painted black repetitively tapped their red tips against the small mesh fabric of a neon pink lemonade long sleeved shirt. A large bang from some distance away brought the movements to a brief stop before starting again.

"Once again we find ourselves under gunfire." A smooth masculine voice stated dryly seconds before a six large gun shells were put within the sight of the waiting woman. "Here."

When brown eyes befell onto the ammunition for her beloved gun a small smile tugged at her bare lips. "Thanks love," She cooed giving him a peck on his pale green cheek. "But wait we have a special guest t'night. Welcome to the show, Batman."

As the sound of gunshots and things being pushed down onto the floor drew nearer they ducked even lower behind the checkout counter.

Quickly regaining himself Batman scowled at the two, "Can't you two be serious for at least five minutes? They're right in front of us." He hissed silently.

Slapping the chambers back into place Harley chuckled. "Ya forget who ya're dealin' wit' Batsy. O' course we can be, but what's the fun in that?"

"How about our chances of survival will be greater?" Batman questioned sarcastically watching them with narrowed eyes of annoyance. It was never easy dealing with each of them on their own, but with the pair teamed together, it always seemed that there was a private joke between them that the entire world was cruelly left out on.

Swallowing his growing impatience he regarded the two once again. "We have to get out of here. As we are now we're easy targets."

The green male with the influence over plant-life gave him the most irritated look that stated his dislike and utter belief of his primal stupidity. With a roll of his bottle green eyes he turned to his lover. "Harl."

A crazed animated look passed over the jester's face as she stood onto her feet screaming like a Valkery as she pulled her toy guns. "Ya know the plan now git yer asses up and start runnin'!" She commanded firing at the trio of people approaching them.

"But we can't-" Batman's protest was drawn short as a strong hand pulled him along.

"I know I'd rather help her than run away with some _mammal _but she knows what she's doing." Nightshade stated before running off as commanded.

As Batman ran slightly behind Nightshade from the safety of the counter to the department store aisles he couldn't help but blame his little brother for this.

Confused? Shall we start at the beginning then? Very well.

Earlier…  
Terry McGinnis walked along the row of Vidgames debating on which would better please his younger brother. Usually with their little sibling spats between one another he wouldn't spend his rare time of leisure thinking about the little brat, but his birthday was approaching and after gift after gift of clothes, educational tools, and other undesirable gifts he would receive that day something mindlessly entertaining would be a blessing.

Picking up the empty case of the latest science-fiction shooter RPG game, a semi-decent attempt to recreate a series of shooters that was once a success in the early 2000's, he thought of the surprised look on his brother's face when he tore away the flashy wrapping paper and saw what he was given.

Smiling at his self indulgence his eyes drifted sideways to a young adult female playing the demo. Though he could not place it exactly there was something oddly familiar about her.

Her dark hair styled in a bob cut fell back against her round cheeks as her chocolate brown eyes focused with her neck craned upwards at the screen of virtual fighters. She was dressed none to oddly, which for some reason did not bode well with his perception of her. A maroon bra beneath a neon pink mesh shirt. Semi-baggy pants that matched with the color of the bra beneath with old sneakers held together with long slivers of gray/silver duct-tape.

Something was off, far off with the woman, as he went to purchase the game his mind kept drawing back to her.

Making his way out of the electronics department of the store he's shoulder collided with a small black haired woman. "Ex-cuse me." She said with an interesting and thick German accent bending down to pick up her dropped parcels.

Being the gentleman that he was he bent down to help her gather her belongs. Lifting her fallen purse he winced at how heavy it actually was. "Wow, are you packing weights in there?" He asked jokingly.

She smiled making her wrinkle and blemish free thirty-ish face appear much younger than she was yet all the same attractive, "I carry my work with me, little boy." She stated taking the purse from his hands with ease. With another smile and a thank you she walked away with a serpentine sway of her shapely hips dressed in somewhat tight faux leather.

As he watched the woman merge with a group of shopping women the vid-game girl popped back into his mind. He could imagine her being playful, moving in a hyper state as she teased and winked a smiling eye…before aiming her gun and shooting him in his chest laughing the entire time.

"Aw slaggit." He moaned. No sooner had the realization dawned on him did the fatal sounds of gunshots fire from behind him. Screams ripped through the air as the spray of gunfire ring out again.

Turning he could see it all, a mad sea of people running frantically for the nearest exist, behind them scanning through the crowd was the woman with the accent, and in her hands was poised a military rifle. Her steely blue eyes looked over towards a frightfully thin man across the second floor balcony, with a shake of her head she moved on in a determined stalk.

A bit of pink parted from the crowd running somewhat slouched with hands protecting her head was none other than Harley Jest.

"Even on my day off." He mumbled to himself before he too vanished from the group of hysterical people.

Harley ran at full speed away from the safety a quick escape promised. Spotting a Carolina blue suit, the trademark of the store she slid to a stop before the frightened young man in the midst of calling for help.

"Excuse me, this is an emergency." She panted to the frightened worker whilst pushing the temporary black sprayed hair, cut in it's latest fashion, away from her face.

"I know already: some crazy people are shooting up the place!" He stated his fight to remain calm quickly deteriorating.

"No! Where's your garden section?"

With wide eyes and a trembling hand he pointed a shaky finger towards the east exit and watched utterly confused as she trotted swiftly away.

Running nearly at full speed Harley hoped against all hope that whilst fleeing she wouldn't get shot in the back, more importantly she hoped she wouldn't get shot in her rear end.

As she skidded to the outdoor accessories a shadow leapt from the darkness, and like a serpent pulled her back with it.

'Jump me from behind will they? Well I'll show 'em to mess wit' a nutcase.' A malicious smile curved over her lips as she allowed her body to go slack. The plan was already forming in her head as to how she would deal with whoever had the mettle to match against her when the arms repositioned themselves to wrap leniently around her body.

She leaned back into the arms she was so familiar with, the way they formed over her, the shape of the chest pressed against her back, all striking pleasant memories of tender nights and lovely mornings.

"Are you okay?" A voice asked with concern his arms tightening unconsciously to protect what was his.

"I am now." Taking one last moment to relish in his arms she parted to turn to the face she so adored, "Cherry pie, it's the RE enforcers."

"What? Already?" Christopher Isely asked with surprise.

"Friends of yours?" A dark figure leapt from the high selves to land with a graceful front flip before the pair.

Chris scowled at the sight of Batman while Harley was grinning from ear to ear. "No one really." She stated waving his suspension away with her hand.

"Oh? So why are they shooting at you?"

"They're disgruntled shoppers and I cut them in line?" She asked sweetly. "No? Yeah I knew that wouldn't work."

"They're the brute force of a crime related group called the Red Eyes," Nightshade filled in for her lack of cooperation.

"What did you do to get on their bad side?"

With the joy of teasing ruined Harley sighed, "We've always been on their 'bad side', hell I don't think they even have a good side. We pissed them off by hittin' a few places before them; we knew they would be after us eventually but not this soon. Ya see we sometimes pull jobs for a friend of my ol' uncle, sadly he and the REs ain't on good terms."

"I thought you hated him because he killed your father."

"No, not Fletcher! My adopted Uncle West, may he rest in peace. I'm only pissed that I wasn't fully prepared for this." She sighed pulling out her gun and cocking it.

"You're _not_ prepared?" Batman questioned.

Her eyes feel open staring at him in mild disbelief; she waved her hand at her body. "Look at me! Just look at me, I'm not dress properly at all!"

Her exclamation brought a bombardment of bullets directed towards the trio. "You and your big mouth, Harl." Nightshade shouted taking hold of his lover and began fleeing from the garden area. Together they ran at a breakneck speed ever careful to duck with the slight sound of gunfire.

Running and searching through her purse at the same time while trying not to fall on her face Harley scavenged desperately. "Don't say I left it at home!"

Glance back slightly Batman glared at her hand disappearing in her purse, "What is it?"

"Ah I've got it!" She cried revealing a velvety pouch. "Cherry pie."

On cue Nightshade hoisted her over his shoulder like a sack of potatoes while he continued to run. Ripping open the pouch she shook out a multitude of small silver jacks, smiling as they scattered across the tile floors. "Take that you uum!"

Batman glared at her as he removed his hand from the adhesive he placed over her mouth. "Remember how they found us in the first place?"

Quickly they ducked behind the checkout counter of the dishware department of the store.

Seating against the counter breathing heavily Batman tried to recover and put together all that had happened within fifteen minutes. Suddenly an enraged Harley appeared before his face pointing wildly at the tape over her mouth in silent command that he remove it.

"Don't scream." He stated blankly before taking hold of a corner in ripping the tape away.

Mouth opened in a silent scream Harley's eyes opened wide leaked with tears. "Ow." She whispered tenderly patting her abused skin.

There attention on the criminal jester was drawn short as the shout of a small _pop _followed back a stream of unintelligible curses filled the air. "Damn you Jest! When I get my hands on you you'll be begging for me to put a bullet between your eyes!" The woman from before shouted.

Harley was in the actions of jumping onto her feet and retort when both Batman and Nightshade took hold of her and held her in place. "What were those you dropped back there?" Nightshade questioned with genuine curiosity.

"My latest toy, Sneak Attack Jacks. Motion sensitive lil' mines that spring onto the movement it see. It doesn't do anything deadly but the small explosion stings like a bitch."

Batman rolled his eyes amazed at how the two weren't so set with their priorities. "More importantly who are we dealing with?"

"Sheena, she's the lovely lead woman with the guns. But despite her age and looks she's mercilessly deadly." Nightshade stated rummaging through his lover's bag.

"Dawg, he's the creepy thin guy loaded with knives, a bit psycho but he's easy to manipulate. And last but not least big, muscular, and stupid Pike. He has the mentality of a puppy but the viciousness of a rabid wolf, no weapons though."

From behind them there was a blast of gunfire. They were drawing near. "One for each of us then. So who gets who?"

"I want Dawg." Harley smiled.

"I've got Pike." Nightshade stated lightly.

"I guess Sheena is mine. Why do I get the feeling I'm getting the worse of this deal?"

" 'cause ya are." Harley smiled sweetly before another borage of gunshots fired once again.

The Red Eye's enforcers stood together at the end of the white tile aisle staring before them at the counter surrounded by expensive china and other fancy dishes and glasses. Three pairs of eyes glared studiously at their surroundings, the Stacy's Department store, well aware that their prey had ran in the general direction. Dawg Alba tried with all his might to with hold the involuntary twitch in his right eye as his shaking fingers lingered above the trigger of his ballistic knife.

"Hee, are you sure they came this way?" He asked the mischievous grin on his face widening with his impatience. He needed to cut, something anything, his blades were begging to reap havoc and destruction. They sung for him to stain their beautiful bodies with spilt blood. It was the sweetest of siren songs in his ears and he wanted nothing else than to obey.

The long legged Sheena growled as she dusted off the debris of the attacking toys with great irritation, all the while mumbling curses beneath her seductive breath. "Yes I am sure. They did not have the time to lay out traps on a false trail for us to follow." With a cocky grin she pulled a .45 Colt from its holster at her hip and fired randomly at a display of hand painted mugs. "We'll find them." She said smugly before walking on.

Suddenly a horrid sound that came in close comparison to a woman undulating her voice while being strangled filled the air accompanied by gun fire.

(Psst! This is where you came in.)

Sheena growled as she returned fire on the jester, very underdressed for any such activities, both held the same look of twisted pleasure of staring into the eyes of death. They saw the two figures bolt but could not move to follow for with each attempt of a step a shot was aimed in their direction. Just when it seemed the exchange was nearing its peak Harley bolted in the exact opposite direction of her companions.

Sheena sighed pushing a stray lock of dark hair from her face as she brought her gun to rest supported against his shoulder. "It seems Batman is involved. I'll follow after him, Pike can take on Harley."

"No," Dawg grinned as he held up a thin queen of hearts playing card, he smirked as he ran his finger over the sharp blade of an edge drawing his own blood. "She left me her calling card, it's only fitting that I answer."

Pike placed a large tanned hand atop the skinny man's pale shoulder covered by the closed trench coat. "Be careful." His voice rumbled with its deep bass.

"Oh don't worry, you know how I have to have it. There just wouldn't be any thrill if it wasn't her." He chuckled.

With a roll of her eyes Sheena watched as her sickly thin comrade darted after the vivacious woman. "Idiot and his fetishes."

Harley was walking causally about the spacious electronics department, her eyes focused on a small handheld digital camcorder as it displayed her curious face on the series of flat screened televisions lined across the wall.

"Sorry ma'am but that really doesn't suit you." A voice said seconds before a spydraco knife found its way embedding in the camera's eye.

Surprised but quick to act she flipped backwards away from the flying projectiles advancing towards her. Her bag scattered to her feet upon landing in a low crouch next to the DVD players. "Hey, that was my favorite purse." She whined observing the broken strap. "Ya just can't find something' so stylish with so much room anywhere nowadays!"

A thin skeletal head appeared over the display case near which she was hiding. "Boo." He grinned at her and just as quickly swung a large fantasy sword down with skull splitting force.

"Hey!" She cried with a duck and roll she quickly grabbed her mallet from within her bag and stood on her own two feet. With eyes wide with disbelief she looked over the large blade and the leather wrapped grip decorated with spikes, she pointed an accusing "Is that the Heavy Metal F.A.K.K sword I got ya for a birthday gift?"

Dawg smiled, "You where sweet to have gotten it for me, though I was surprised. My enemy giving me such pretty steel."

Unfortunately he was so engrossed with his weapon that he had no time to react when three blade edged playing cards flew at his hand knocking his prized possession onto the ground.

He cast irate eyes towards his opponent silently questioning her for her actions. "I can't believe ya wanted to fight me wit' the same gift I gave ya outta the goodness o' my heart -what little I have of goodness! That's not right!" She growled bringing her mallet above her head as she advanced swinging mercilessly at his upper body.

He dodged with ease tossing off his coat while removing a black double bladed sword. With swift graceful movement he countered her swings with ease.

Huffing slightly she stopped and leered at the man, "A guy packed with knives, a chick loaded with guns, and me with my bag o' fun, how the hell did we get past security?"

"Harley, Harley, Harley. You know I have been waiting this moment for so long." Dawg smiled through his polished teeth. "Ever since you got in our way with the Dakota case, the Umpteen heist, and let us not forget Davis."

Harley laughed placing her hand to her chest, "Oh Davis that was fun. He was like that game in the fair where you have to shoot the ducks." With her second wind she attacked again, her main focus on his knees and belly.

"Oh you were very creative that day." He commented as they locked weapons each pushing forcefully against the other for dominance.

"Well I have yet to step down from a challenge." She laughed whimsically twirling on her toes escaping their cross. "So how shall we do this tonight? There aren't any debtors here for us to harsh so I guess things are going to get rather physical between us."

"Ah, my greatest dream."

Harley rolled her eyes, "Once a Joker always Joker ey Doggie?" She cooed mockingly swinging the mallet for his torso.

He twirled his sword with the skill of a botanist carelessly slashing away at the electronic devices that were sadly in the blade's path he distracted her easily before quickly striking knocking her weapon from her hands. "I'm wounded. But if that say's true, wouldn't that imply to you…Kiddy?"

"Now that was mean of you." Harley growled staring at him playfully.

"Then reframe from associating me with those punks and I will do the same. Don't think that you are the only one who detest that part of their past." With a spinning drop kick his tripped the unarmed woman onto her back winding her as she crashed roughly against the hard panel floors.

Standing over her body he smiled wickedly. "You know when I cut up people I get this little rush. But I tell you, nothing compares to the thrill you get taking the life of someone you know, someone you have something for." He grinned dementedly down onto her prone body.

"Aw does Dawgy have a crush on me?" She teased despite her position. "Well too damn bad, I'm taken."

He drew the sword's edge over her shoulder cutting away the fabric and cutting into skin in one slow stroke. His eyes watched mesmerized as small beads of blood slowly peeked through her molested skin. There was nothing more fascinating to his distraught mind than the sight of the bright red of life's essence bleeding out of its fragile vessel. Be it his own or be it another's seeing those crimson tears that the body shed so easily sent shivers down his spine, gave him a high no drug could give, and fed a lust nobody could feed. "Yes, yes I know that. Sad really, we could have had a ball descending into madness together." He positioned the sword's tip in between her breast ready to plunge into her chest.

"Ooh, sounds tempting. Hey Dawg, you know you should be in TV." She stated cocking her head slightly to the side.

"What?"

With a grunt she brought her knees up to her chest and with a hard push of her legs sent his body sailing back into the wall of television screens.

The glass shattered as his body crashed through the steel of his sword and the many knives hidden on his person conducting the many volts of electricity through his frail body. His shrill scream of undefined pain wailed throughout the air as the lights and devices around them flickered with the surges of power.

Standing onto her feet Harley sighed brushing off invisible dust. "Sigh, another dumb thing on TV." She smirked walking away with ease picking up her things as she went.

TBC

The Harleys are looking over the work. "You could use more elaboration on your details."

Demoness Space Pirate just shrugs and lies down on her bed. "I'll deal with that later. Alright people I had this discussion with two friends of mine, both authors on this site. Whether you know this or not some people need your reviews, even if it's just three little words it's needed. It helps us to know what you like what you don't like, what needs improvement and so on. Let us not forget we as writers are reaching into our creative souls and baring this for you and we'd like to have your opinion. Thanks!"

Oh yeah and thanks to all of you very much for reading and reviewing, or just reading and not reviewing, or reading and finding it boring and not reviewing.


	10. Trapped: subchapter 2

Harley Quinn figurine here. Um well DSP is sorta pissed. She's mad at the new Catwoman movie. Not because it's with Hale girl but because of the entire plot. She's been scornin' the commercials for days. Um hear for yourself opens bedroom door

"How can you have a Catwoman without Miss Kyle? How how how how how how how?! I feel so betrayed! And what the hell is she wearing?! DC comics should stop with the comic to movies; Marvel is kicking so much DC ass with their movies! Waahhh!"

"So are you going to see it?"

"Maybe. But still it just ain't right!"

"DSP? Boss lady? Dett-!"

"Hey don't call me that! Um yeah, I think I'm gonna get to work now and hopefully work off some of this anger."

Trapped: part 2

The human mind. It's such a lovely complex…thing. By severing a single nerve it could make you a vegetable, take away your motor skills, make pain a faint memory, make you think you're two again, and perhaps death.

What amazed one Nightshade was how that complex…_thing_ had a creature, actually a man, the size of a bear swing his fist the size of tree trunks without letting up.

Pike, a simple minded fellow who when at ease had the mind of a spoiled puppy: gentle and loveable. But when provoked he behaved just like the bear he resembled with his wild blond hair and chin graced with a permanent five o'clock shadow.

"Pike will crush!" The burly man shouted bringing his fist down in hopes of crushing the green fellow's skull.

Dodging to the right Nightshade danced out of harm's way. With the rate they were going it seemed he would tire before the mammoth man did. Another that amazed him about the man's lack of mind, what bit he did have was enough to perform mind over matter, pushing himself on long after his body was tired. And if that should occur…he did not wish to think about the results.

Relying on a thought he slipped behind him and leapt onto his back. "Pike, why are you fighting me?" He asked in a groan as Pike tried to pry his hold of him free.

"Sheena said Pike kill, so Pike kill." He growled spinning around in circles like a dog chasing his own tail.

Nauseated by the twirling scenery around him Nightshade closed his eyes and went on. "But why do you listen to She-na? You're stronger than her and Dawg, why **you** should be the leader. You should be making the commands. Look at you now, in another minute my toxins are going to seep into your body, killing you."

The lights about them flickered on and off as a distant scream echoed hollowly throughout the store's levels. All movement paused and all eyes looked upwards onto the fluorescent blinking bulbs that flicked on and off and on as if fighting in vain to sustain its glow before dying. The low emergency back up lights kicked in almost immediately casting everything in a dim glow.

"What that?" Pike questioned looking about in worry for another flash of light.

He felt the man on his back drop his shoulders as he released a hot breath of air, "One word: Harley."

"Dawg dead." He stated impassively before returning to the task at hand of getting Nightshade from his back. With a hard tug and a swing the parasite of a man was removed and placed before him.

"Pike kill." He pulled the head of Nightshade back preparing to slam him face first into the nearest wall.

"Wait, wait, wait! Listen to what I'm telling you. Dawg's gone, no big loss, just one less person to boss you around. But you're still here and if you want to still be here tomorrow we can stop now!"

He closed his eyes as the wall was a mere five inches from his face, the air about him halted as he felt his body snapped backwards.

Opening his eyes once more he peered towards Pike, "Green man make good point."

Meanwhile…  
Batman dodged behind the display of street fashion dressed mannequins as the gunfire from the Assault Rifle behind him increased.

"Come out from there!" Sheena's voice called threateningly while holding the seductive charm. "I shall take the honor of being the one to have finally killed the legendary Batman!"

There was a mad hysteria in her voice as another blast of gunfire was aimed in his general direction. She was crazy…no perhaps not crazy but surely she got off on shooting and even more so shooting someone. Batman groaned lowering himself; he knew he had gotten the bad end of the deal. Pressing against one of the many hidden compartments of his utility belt Batman removed a set of throwing stars in the infamous shape of a bat.

Diving with a tuck and roll he flicked his wrist sent the sharp edged projectiles towards her.

Sheena's entrancing eyes widened as she quickly stopped her actions of firing at the dark fleeing figure to dodge the objects flying towards her.

She gasped as one single star, rather bat, cut through the barrel of her ZZG33 rifle cutting it completely in half. Frowning displeased at the sight of her gun resting in two separate and useless pieces in her hands. "Shame, I'll have to get the bosses to buy me another one." Reaching to her side she pulled two Walthurm pistols from a nearly invisible holster.

Moving quickly she ran sideways firing in between the gaps trying to shoot at the Dark Knight dodging from display to display…until.

There where no more places to hide behind, chuckling lightly she checked the ammunition of her guns as she moved closer to him, "Do you have any idea how much money I will get for turning you in? Yes, I think after this I will be able to retire."

She was drawing closer and closer, any moment and she would be on him set for the kill. "Marco!" A voice shouted through the building.

Sheena's lovely face lifted into a smug smirk in recognition of the caller, "Ah, but first things first, no Batman?" She asked into the empty space about her. "After I have put that sad excuse for a clown and that freak of nature out of their misery I shall return to collect the bounty on your pretty head."

Peeking out from his hiding place Batman frowned upon seeing the department of kitchen supplies empty. Sheena was a danger, even on her own. Most likely the greater problem out of the entire RE-enforcements. Suppressing the small button on the legendry utility belt a low hum vibrated into the air as he wavered out of sight with much thanks to his camouflage that rendered him invisible.

For the time being he would allow those two deal with them, he had to find a way to stop the ensuing madness.

Moving, walking out in the open with her mallet swung over her shoulders Harley looked down the aisles and displays in hopes of seeing someone, anyone, to interact with. She really didn't like being alone, and save for Sheena's gunfire.

"Of all the times I leave the kiddy walkie-talkies at home." She grumbled putting her hands to her lips she shouted again in a singsong voice, "Marco! Marco, where are you, Marco?"

"Polo!" Nightshade's distant voice called out from nearly across the store.

Nightshade, aka the Polo of the game, walked four feet ahead of Pike as they too searched in the deserted department store for any living people.

"Where Green Man take us?" Pike asked, "And why you say Polo?"

"Marco!" Harley's voice cried out once again into the still air.

"It's a game, it'll help us find Harley." He was quickly losing his patients with him; after all he really didn't have much care for any of the mammal kind…with Harley as the sole exception.

"Green man know what he doing anymore? I can't see no one." Pike complained loudly.

Nightshade felt his face burn as his anger grew, "Polo! Get over here before I kill this primate!"

BANG! The sound of the gun shot echoed off the walls. Spinning on his heels Nightshade observed the gapping hole settled between the surprised eyes of Pike. A soft moan escaped his lips before his body fell backwards lifeless on the linoleum surface at his feet.

His eyes snapped upwards to the balcony where Sheena stood grinning down at him from behind the scope of her G33 sniper rifle. "Sorry, but I've been wanting to do that for years. Where's girlfriend?"

Nightshade's eyes darted about before a smug smirk spread across his green face, "You know Harl, always where you don't want her to be."

"Like behind ya!" Before Sheena could react she felt something heavy spring off her shoulders and with a wild blur of movements the body above her dropped over dragging her over the balcony edge down to the many mannequins set below in the latest styles of the season.

They landed in a jumbled mass of limbs into the display with an ungraceful crash sending detectable hard plastic limbs and faceless heads flying about.

Growling with her anger Sheena fumbled about to stand with the upper torso of a mannequin tangled about her legs due to the long cloth that made the fashionable shirt it wore. "Damn it." She seethed wrestling unsteadily about.

"Aw, can't get up?" Harley's voice full of mock concern cooed from her towering position about her. Sheena's eyes snapped up to see the dark grin gracing her adversary's somewhat bloody face (a present from the late Dawg), and the object propped with ill-intentions on the shoulder of her torn mesh shirt. "How 'bout I give ya a hand?"

Swinging the mannequin arm as though it was a baseball bat and the gunwoman's head the ball a hallowed _thunk_ accompanied by Sheena's gasp filled the still air.

Blood sprayed from Sheena's mouth as the impact brought her inner jaw smashing carelessly into her teeth busting it open so that the red liquid poured over her face, taking away the beauty she was so noted for. Sheena's body fell back into the broken display, unconscious.

"Now that's a helping hand." Harley joked before pitching the arm behind her carelessly as she approached her lover.

Nightshade sighed with relieve, "Are you ok?" He asked observing the small cuts on her person.

"Can't complain. I see your head isn't smashed in."

He shrugged in reply before looking back at the still form of Pike, "Sad really, I was hoping to get him home to my carnivorous garden, and he had enough meat on his bones to keep them happy for the week."

A rattling from behind them alerted their attention to the woman rising onto her feet, eyes filled with murder and a gun aimed towards them.

"Harley!" Nightshade moved before her as the woman took aim and prepared to fire.

Self sacrificial, for the sake of love. A strong quality not so rare in the world but quickly put to the test when it came to the risk of one's own life. They say tests had been taken and tests had proved that when it came down to love and self preservation three times out of four self-preservation kicked in. But then again love, **true love**, had the power to overcome such primal instinct and more or less kick its ass to the curve for a moment of sheer stupidity.

He was prepared to take the bullet, or whatever it was that Sheena decided to use for ammunition that day.

But there was one tiny thing he had forgotten…

The gun fired, and unlike he had expected nothing moved in slow motion but in truth things did seem to move in an intoxicated dream like speed, within that span of time he knew something horrible had happened.

There was no sting from the bullet piercing his flesh and there was no sudden flash of memory recapping his life from beginning to end. Just the utter awareness of the present situation.

That one tiny thing he had forgotten was that he was in love with the successor of Harley Quinn, the cupid of crime, the woman who put her love above her own mental and physical well being.

The gun fired and the bullet whizzed towards him then past him as his feet was knocked from beneath him in time to save him. But she did not have enough time to save herself from the sting of the bullet as it piecered through her clothing and into her skin burning and burying itself inside of her.

Harley hissed slightly as she tumbled unsteadily backwards onto the cold floor. "Harl!" Nightshade scrambled over to her side looking down at the small bloody hole in her side.

"Ooow, don't touch, that hurts." Harley whined softly batting away his hands.

Sheena cocked her gun once more pointing with deadly aim at her head. "Wait until the other eight hit you, then you'll really know the meaning of pain."

Nightshade moved steadily in between the assassin and his girlfriend, blocking her from sight. "Over my dead body."

"That can be- ah!" Her gun was suddenly knocked out of her hand by some invisible force which quickly made itself known by dropping its shield. Batman stood crouched down on the gun a few feet from her behind him was her gun.

Moving briskly she reached down to her ankle taking yet another gun from a hidden holster. When her eyes looked up once more she saw that where Batman once stood nothing remained but empty space. Turning her scowl to her targets there too was nothing but a small bit of blood.

Smirking lightly she lowered her weapon, "Ah, so the hunt is on."

TBC...

Sorry so short but I wanted to get something out for you to read before Saturday, the 19th.

HJ: It's DSP's birthday! She's gonna be Harl's catapulted from the room Aaaahh I can see my house from here!

DSP: Sorry about that. You see I'm not ashamed of my age it's just that well if you saw me you would swear I was 14. My family (on my father's side) age very slow once we hit puberty.

But in other news. It's happened, that dreadful thing that happens to all writers. As you can tell by my writing and how short this is. My muse have left me and the tempts are giving me ideas for other things, I'm lacking the right inspiration, I'm getting bored, and I want Spiderman to have my man-baby!


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